LBI 2016: That's all She wrote

LBI 2016 is in the books; and we made history.  I haven't decided yet if it's good history or history we need to learn from, so let's walk through it and you can decide for yourself.  I am certain at least one person - who's name rhymes with Lat Hay - will certainly think it was fantastic.

To begin with, let's talk about what did not happen at the 10th annual LBI:

• No carts were flipped
• No carts had holes put into them
• Not all rounds were played
• No one was significantly injured/run over

And now for what DID happen...

• A new guy came...i THINK his name was Rick
• A high-stakes negotiation occurred between those in need of toilet paper and those in need of ice
• A guy stuffed 19 (cheese) balls into his mouth at one time
• A guy fell asleep sitting on the fairway
• Lich did NOT suck
• Moden Kept the Bath Salts tradition alive...in a related story, "Hey Rick"
• Doyle narrowly beat the owner of the Caddy Girls in an epic shotgun match
• The Top 2 going into the final round stayed out until 430 am...(let's see Spieth win like that!)
• We made it to the beach
• KShea "napped"....a LOT
• Lightning hit a tree about 100 yards from the club house and the tree caught fire
• Rob fell asleep in an establishment for gentlemen
• Tini tried to dry his grips upside down (brett pee'd himself from laughing so hard)
• A fist fight nearly broke out between two best friends over stopping at McDonalds
• Kevin Shea won $50 from Lich for jumping into a massive puddle during the rain delay
• A two hour discussion ensued about wiping method
• A guy NOT NAMED BARZ slept nude on the couch of the wrong room
• The eventual winner nearly got kicked off the course because one of his playing partners continually took off his shirt
• Pat Shea went back to back...a feat previously thought to be imBosible

Quotes of the week (add more/send me more):

There's three that stood out to everyone and one that still cracks me up, even now:

1. Hey Rick
2. Rrrrrrrrrrrrick
3. Wooooooooo
4. Shea, as he walks up to Lich pouring a glass just with Grey Goose: "Lich, what are you going to mix with that?"  Lich:  "Vomit, in about 3 seconds."

And to make it official, here are your final LBI Results for 2016: 

- Winner: Pat Shea

- Second:  Tini

- Third:  Stevens/Doyle

- Rage Award:  Tini (see McDonald's reference above; ask for details)

- Pick it Up Award:  Barz; primarily for Tidewater, where he hit as many shots from sand as he did grass.

- It's Ok, Al Award:  Doyle who dropped 12 strokes to the leader in 25 holes

That's it for 2016....see you in 360 days!

LBI Top 10: 3...2...1

They're heeeeere.  We've had some fun reminiscing about some good times on and off the course.  But now we're down to the 3 most famous moments - or infamous, as you'll see with #3 - of all time at LBI.  Without further adieu..

#3 The Original Caddies (2009, Long Bay)
"the road to hell is paved with good intentions" - anonymous (possibly the owner of Derriere's?)

A book could be written about the terribleness of the first attempt at LBI getting caddies.  But to sum up, Mr Shea spent an evening at Derriere's and advised us the following morning we needed to get the RV to leave a little early to make a pit stop.  When we arrived, the following quote from Lich sums up the "caddies" perfectly.
- Lich:  "who would get into a sketchy rv with some random dudes?"  then upon seeing them walking towards us, he answered his own question, "oh.  them."  one of the girls had a full sleeve of tattoos. upon said sleeve, was a tattoo of her dead daughter.  awkward....

Kevin's reputation shattered for years.  If this is the talent at the clubs you go to, i'm glad I opt out! 

#2 RV (2008,2009,2010,2011,2012)

For 5 years, little raised as much excitement about LBI.  For weeks ahead of departure, emails and text messages were sent with two simple letters; RV.  It became similar to the nomenclature used by the Smurfs.  RV?  RV!  RV

Departing from DC on Tuesday nights, driving through to the KOA (I still get emails from KOA)  

Here's some key words that come to mind when thinking of the RV (modernized for today's social media)

#RV

#KOA

#Flying J

#Loser Penalty

#almostgettingbootedfromKOA

#2012someonecalledthecopsatKOA

#RV

#terrible to sleep in

#convenienttableforeatingsubs

#dominomotherfucker

#bunionbuzzer

#aguypropositionedctforablowjobatagasstopinshadyville,nc

#RV

#RV=clowncarinmyrtle

#itstanksobadbytheendofLBI

and here's some RV pics...

The Original RV Crew - 2008

2009 Crew

2011 Crew (2010,2012 are lost to the archives. send if you have any)

driving through torrential rain, terrified.  you had to reach an arm's length out the window to adjust the rearview mirror

Rain don't matter when your name is Thunder

RV

RV is comfy

very comfy

some loved the RV a little TOO much

Have a drink with friends in the...RV

If this RV's a rockin....don't come a knockin'

dude, you USED the shitter???

suck it, RV

KOA is party time...in the RV

As noted...KOA, RV, shotgun...RV

RV keeps drunks (pictured) off the road

And #1:  Shirtless Par3 (2010, Glen Dornoch (Saps, Shea, Ladd, CT)

It may seem common place now, but there was a time when entire rounds were played with a shirt on.  That all changed in 2010.  When 4 men were bombed and a lightbulb went off.  While no one has the brain cells that were alive at the time the idea was conceived, it must have went something like this:  "hey, why are we playing this hole with our shirts on when we could just as easily take our shirts off and play a shirtless par 3?"  

A few notes on this event:

- CT, chunked; Shea was decent, Saps, decent...

- Ladd: the distance his shot went left was the same distance it went forward.
- Ciarlo LOVES this hole.  look at that tree directly in front of the green!

- Up at the green, a marshall drove up and stopped, looked at us.  All we said was "we're not gay".  he then drove off.  

Below is a link to the event.  It's 8 minutes, but worth the watch.  One thing in particular to note is around 1:30 you'll hear a cart screech and Kevin looks up then laughs.  At this moment, Brett drove up, laid on the brakes, got out of his cart.  He looked at us...then did a double take and immediately took off his shirt.  You'll then see the camera pan to him, shirtless.  It was so funny.

Shirtless Par 3 video

Well, that's it.  One week from today, 16 of us will be on the course, playing the 10th Annual LBI and as those cheesy facebook posts go..."making memories..."

LBI 10th Anniversary Top 10: Honorable Mention

Before you see the final 3, COCKS went deep....into the archives to pull the list of events that would likely make the Top 10 in any other golf tournament; but this is LBI.  We didn't want to overlook these so before the Top 3, we'll give you those who just missed out.  In no particular order....

"It's Ok, Al.  You'll Get 'em next year!" (2013:  Location, Tidewater)
Jean Van De Velde at Carnoustie...Greg Norman at Augusta...Jordan Spieth at Augusta...Al at Tidewater. In the Pantheon of epic collapses in golf history, there's never been a group ahead or behind the guy who is collapsing who's yelled out "It's ok....you'll get 'em next year." until 2013.

How could anyone focus with this guy behind them yelling 'it's ok, al"

Bos watches the show from OUTSIDE the room (2012, Myrtlewood Villas)
- As will happen from time to time, some people have invited guests show up to their room.  Some guys are into it, others don't care (not that they're gay or that there would be anything wrong with that).  Then there are some who say they're out, but then creep in on the show from OUTSIDE the room...
p.s. Note Rob also movin' like bern...

Photo Credit:  Bos (through the window)

Moden walks home from Broadway...for 4 hours (2009???, Broadway at the Beach....route 17, Myrtelwood homes...myrtlewood Palmetto course...Myrtlewood Pine Hills course)
- Yet another disappearing Moden event.  Cab lines, too long?  Just walk!  Myrtlewood is "ideally located" close to Broadway.  That is...unless you've drank a 12 pack on course, and another at the bar.  

moden's warm up before the walk home

Bathsalts (2015, Barefoot Condos)
- I'd write more about this, but I really don't remember enough to do so...but CTito does...

Sheabone flips a cart....in front of the Marshall (2015, Barefoot Dye)
- do I even need to write a summary for this?  The day before Tini and Doyle broke a hole in one cart (allegedly)...Doyle almost killed PShea (see below), and our group was in general discontent of all officials at the Barefoot Resort.  then the cart flip....

He cut me off, Mr. Marshall!

The Tini DNF at Prestwick...(2010, Prestwick)
- Remember event #4 from the blog "10-4"?  That wast he night before.  Tini got to the 5th or 6th hole, threw up, then rolled in to the clubhouse to eat wings and sleep.  We've had a few DNFs in the past, this one was right up there with the best!
[picture pending...]..keep refreshing...


Doyle nearly kills PShea (2015, Barefoot Dye?)
- this one seems to get worse and worse as the months roll by.  I think it started out as Doyle may have run over Pat's toe with the cart...by the end of the trip, Doyle had nearly broken Pat's leg...a month ago, Pat was just out of ACL surgery and considering a lawsuit...given the alcohol consumed that day, i'm guessing we'll never get a clear picture of what REALLY happened...

In the interest of full disclosure that COCKS is known for, we reached out to one party for their side of the story...you call on what the truth is...

"PShea incident - Both carts were together, waiting for PShea to hit, i was driving under the influence of some (8?) tasty beverages that per Tini and my bet, each one knocked off a stroke from our score for the round. PShea hit, i thought i had enough clearance to drive past him, i was apparently wrong.  I ran right into his right leg, freaked out that i ran him over, paniced, hit the gas again like a teenager learning to drive for the 1st time, and went further overtop of him.  Not knowing what else to do, i jumped out of the cart and tried to Superman lift/push the cart off of him.  Tini, simply went from the passengers seat and hit the lever to move the cart into reverse and backed off of PShea.  Apparently all carts have those....who knew :)"

re-enactment


lastly, the many mustaches of myrtle...

 and

those are staches...ewww

and














and


and











and

there's a LOT of pain in that mustache

one day's growth

and

 yes, that's an attempt...

 it grows while he sleeps.

 two staches...one NO stache

 hmmmm, why are OUR staches so BAD??

and nude barz w stache

and














and two terrible hats...

LBI 2016: The Projections

You know you want it; and COCKS is here to give it to you.  COCKS gives it to you straight.  COCKS gives it to you hard.  It's the projections.  A time when it's evident that LBI is just around the corner.  We don't release the projections until it's just about time for LBI and COCKS is ready.  Are you?  

16:  Ryan Doyle:

- Doyle loves LBI; the strippers, the shotguns, the fireball, the daredevil cart "racing"...and the golf. Oh yeah, this is a GOLF tournament.

as close as Doyle has ever been to LBI cup

15:  Dan Nall

- Is Nall a sleeper pick as he enters his 3rd year? His handicap is primed to get him to the projected winning score of 215 which is 65 more than the combined weight of Nall, Moden, & Doyle.

[Nall does NOT like the limelight...no pics in the LBI archives.  And COCKS looked, the only way COCKS can, hard.]
UPDATE:  COCKS was hard....at work, efforting and found this picture.  Perfect for a guy who always wanted to be a "dancer"

14:  Rob Weinig

- Rob, like White Lightnin', really wants to win it. He'd never admit it openly, but he's competitive...then he sees the caddy and forgets why we're there.

see?  booze

13:  Rick Whitty

- The ONLY chance newbie's have is if they happen to have a really high handicap for their first year. Otherwise, the mayhem that is LBI is a lot to take...

Whitty???

12:  Chris Stevens               

- White Lightnin won't say it, but he wants to win bad. Can he surprise everyone this year???

11:  Jason Lich                    

- Dude, Lich, just stop sucking! You're a former member of Dream Team, for crying out loud. Dream Team!

just stop suckin!!

10:  Doug Barszcz

- Until Barz cares, we don't expect to see Barz contending. We DO expect to see him nude, unfortunately, but not contending.

9:  Pat Shea

- It's ALWAYS a tough road to a repeat with a two stroke penalty.  Forget about if Bath Salts re-appears...

does this look like a guy focused on a repeat?

8: Mike Hollandsworth      

-      Tini...coming in as a 20, playing like a 25 does not bode well for him. But his first round pairing with two-time winner Brett could help. It could also help that he's not paired with attempted murderer, Doyle (Let's be honest, is he taking a chance – legally speaking - even coming back to Myrtle Beach this year?)

Tini:  are you naked from the pants down?  Barz:  what do YOU think?

7: Rufus Knight                  

-      Rufus has hovered in nowhereville for a long time. He's contended a once or twice, but mainly is middle of the pack guy who is looking to make his mark. Could he become the first non-honky to win LBI?

 we were going to use this as a "cool" picture of Rufus, but then we found the picture where the caddy just dared him to give Saps a hummer...

6:  Kevin Shea                    

-      The final two-time winner, KoKo looks to be come the only 3-time winner this year. Will his hands hold up?

Sheabone could look like this BEFORE day 1...

5:  Troy Welck                    

-      He's been getting closer and closer the last two years. Will he continue to climb up and claim the LBI cup or will this year see a backslide?

Trouble T-Roy (uhhhh, this is GOLF, Troy!)

4:  Matt Moden                  

-      Another two-time winner but it's been a lonnnnnng time since 2008.  He may get distracted by posting 7 posts a day to Facebook LBI page while down in Myrtle.

3: Steve Boswell                

-      One win and a couple close calls. He knows what he needs to do to be there in the end.

2:  Brett Mikoy                   

-      Two-time winner has what it takes to close.

Hey Bert!

1:  Chris Mikoy

-  Been projected as winner a couple times now but has yet to truly contend on a Saturday. Bath salts are most likely the reason.

How can this guy win on Bath Salts?