LBI Top Ten: 10-4 Good Buddies

I'm just going to get right to it.  The moment you (may) have been waiting for, the Top Ten.  It's getting very hard for COCKS to make these determinations, but isn't that the way it should be for COCKS, hard?

With that, we present from 10 to 4.  As with before, feel free to weigh in if you agree or disagree...

#10:  Moden Disappears from Legends Mooreland (Not the only time he's been lost in the woods).
The Year, 2012 (could have been 2009, too.  WTF do we know at COCKS?  Was this the year of the Buddy ShitShow and Eagle Guy?)

- Groups are gathering around the last green.  We're getting ready to back to the clubhouse but wait, someone's missing.  Where's Moooooooden?  No one knows. Even those who played with him are mystified 'he was JUST with us' they claim as they look around puzzled.  Turns out, he forgot about the above rally in his honor.  so he unpacked his bags and just left the course...

#9: The Sub
The year, 2012.  The event...no one would make up their goddam mind where we wanted to eat after playing 36 holes.  We literally pulled into and got out of the RV at different places but somoene had "BBQ" in their mind so we went on a never ending mission to find it.

CT...drawn to the sub

So, we get to the place, turns out to be a sub place.  "I'll go in and check it out, guys".  12 (hammered) dummies sat there and watched as i ordered a sub, then acted like they didn't know what I was doing as it took me 10 minutes to "ask for directions".

Did you just eat my sub?

#8 Brett, Lich, Saps, Bryan clean out the cart girl's entire beer stash in one stop
The year: 2011, Thistle
At the turn in the clubhouse grill: Gabe: "should we get some beers?" CT: "no, we've got a few and we'll see the cart girl in a few". With the cart girl on 10 green "yah, we'll have 12 pack". cart girl: "uhhhh, i'm out. that group in front of you just bought 2 cases".
- side note: Also during this round Lich was attacked by mowers AND we proved the theory that a shotgun after each hole DOES improve performance on the next hole.  Science 


#7 Lich Hole in 1 at Glen Dornoch
The year, 2008
What does it say about LBI that a real-life Hole in 1 is only ranked 7???

p.s. THIS swing got a hole in 1...this swing...

#6  7am
The year, 2008.  The location...outside Gold Club at Penthouse.  The crew:  Shea, Lich, and Trouble T-Roy...could have others, but it DID happen at 7am, so give us a break.

and here's what Shea looked like later that day, just before he and Troy threw in the towel and DNF'd.  (This would subsequently cost Shea the RV shitter duties (i said duty)).

#5 Eagle Guy
The year, 2012, The hole "Hell's Half Acre"
- Shea came through a few groups ahead of Eagle Guy.  Shea made Eagle on Hell's Half Acre (a driveable par 4).  When the round was over, no one wanted to hear about Shea's eagle because Damon...Damon made eagle, "did you hear???".  He's Eagle Guy.    It was like when George wanted to be called "T-Bone" but they named him KoKo the monkey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC4C_Gcp_dM

 If Eagle Guy and Non-Eagle Guy both Eagle the same hole....who gets the credit? (hint: see above picture)

#4 The Hurricane Event
The year, 2012, the location "Myrtlewood villa, post round"
Bryan doesn't drink much, but when he does, SWEET JESUS, do not get sucked into the Hurricane.

picture is blurry due to Hurricane-like conditions

A Hurricane blew through all 5 rooms in Myrtlewood, leaving in its wake empty shotgunned beers, drunken men and one guy pukin off the balcony and ultimately passing out in the bathroom.

Note:  all car bombs were largely performed while speaking in a french accent

Hurricane video

There's 10-4...thoughts???

10th Annual LBI, a Retrospective: "the others"

If you've never seen "The Others" with Nicole Kidman, go out this weekend and watch.  One of the best thrillers I've seen.  That being said, this edition of Replacing Divots is not about ghost movies; nor is about Roadhouse for that matter.  And hell, while we're on the topic, has anyone seen this bank robbery movie called The Town?

Anyway........As we at COCKS have been compiling and tabulating all the events seen at LBI over the years, it has become increasingly difficult to whittle down to a top ten.  For that reason, we are going to start with some of the events that, while they didn't make the top ten, were nonetheless worthy of mention in the archives of COCKS.

One last note before we begin this.  Nothing was voted on, nor certified by Price Waterhouse Coopers.  They are simply the opinion of us COCKS. And remember this when you disagree with the order; we are COCKS. The intent, quite frankly, is to be provocative; to generate discussion and remember the times spent being dummies in Myrtle Beach.

And with that, we present "The Others":

Nude Barz:
- Let's just be blunt.  You do NOT want a late night visit from Barz.  If there's anyone at or near the center of mayhem off the course in Myrtle, it's Barz.  Mentally, he scares you and here's the reason:  he doesn't need to be drunk to engage in craziness.  It could be 8am after a night of drinking, you're sitting on your couch, you look down to take a sip of Joe, you look up and you have balls in the face.  Frnakly, there could be a top ten Nude Barz moments if we wanted to.  He's even spawned copy cat nudists (eh hem, Tini, Jimmy).

Trouble T-Roy and his disappearing cellphone:
- If you look up easy-going, laid back and go with the flow, you'll  see a picture of Troy.  There was a time, however, when Troy enjoyed visiting certain establishments.  And there were a few times, in consecutive years, where he left his phone there...and didn't realize it until he was safely back home in Northern VA.  Thanks to the care of the proprietors, he was able to get his phone mailed back to him.

Saps' "faulty windshield" at Long Bay:
- Before we knew Saps was so full of rage that the virus from 28 Days was named after him (Rage Virus, in case you haven't seen it; ps seriously, have you seen the Town?) no one in his group thought twice when he came driving up with the cart's front windshield in the passenger side.  "Uh, a screw came loose, mr Ranger" was the line he used when the ranger drove up and asked what happened.  And he wonders why all the ranges in Myrtle target him...

Bernard and Pierre:
- remember that year when Brett (Bernard) and Saps (Pierre) talked with a french accent pretty much the entire week?

The Year of the Bern:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GOuseeGK3w
Here's the only thing that needs to be said

The Year "oh nooooooo" was heard on virtually every hole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk-rZsZnrQs

The Roll of Paper Towels:
- Ears of corn were flying.  Moden heaved, CT got clipped, rage ensued.  If ever there was a record scratching moment in Myrtle, this was it.  As Gary said in the bar scene in Weird Science "Party's over, boys and girls".  They did, however, immediately make up with a make up shot of Jim Beam.

The Bunion Buzzer:
- You better have something good to say or you'll get buzzed for telling a Bunion.


The Shotgun walk off to nowhere...
- four things make this video great
    1) bryan's unreal shotgun skills
    2) moden's horrendous shotgun skills
    3) T-Bone's commentary
    4) where the F is kevin going???
enjoy...

-


So, that's it for now.  That's the list of things that didn't make the Top Ten or Honorable mention.  What do you think? Any of them worthy of top ten?

Stay tuned...tomorrow's release will be 10-9-8.  We've got some surprises in there for you...

LBI Top 10 Moments...Preview Edition

Even though I do not like Bob Dylan, he did have a point when he said "the times, they are a changin'".  In today's world, men can use women's bathrooms, pot is legal in several states and in Soviet Russia, cars drive YOU  (Yah, that's a Yakov Smirnoff reference right there; pulled right out of the COCKS archives).  One thing that's not changin' though, the shenanigans that purposely or accidentally make LBIs entertaining for us all year in an year out.  

Oh, and for those new to LBI, COCKS is the LBI Corporate Office of Communications & Knowledge Services.  "They" are responsible for all the research and stat production you've become used to getting each year around this time. 

Like any other year, COCKS has been hard at work to bring you the LBI Knowledge you have come to expect. Knowledge prepares you.  Knowledge enables you.  Knowledge, put simply, is power.  But in this edition, there will be no knowledge released to you.  No, in this case, COCKS is simply enabling you to reminisce.  

This year's LBI is the 10th Edition.  And what is COCKS great at you ask?  Creating lists.  So for the 10th Anniversary of LBI, COCKS will be counting down the Top 10 LBI Moments.  There's ample moments to ponder, and frankly, several are contenders for the top spot.  

Over the next 2 weeks, we'll be releasing the top 10 moments as voted on by the research team at COCKS.  You can expect such moments as:

- Moden deciding to walk home (for 4 hours) from Broadway at, and

- The Hurricane that swept through Myrtlewood, and 

- Bos being a part of the entertainment...from outside in the hallway.

Not Pictured:  Eagle Guy

You can also expect to see all-time classic quotes like:

- Oh nooooooooooo, and

- It's Ok, Al, you'll get 'em next time

Making it to 10 years is a serious accomplishment.  some people on this list have been there for them all.  Others have only made it to one or two.  But all of us are a part of the LBI lore that will live on as long as LBI does.  

So, we hope you'll enjoy our Top 10 list.  Whether you make it to a named event or have only heard about the event through the grapevine, you're sure to enjoy this countdown...

Here's to 10 more great years of LBI shenanigans.

your friends at

COCKS

Myrtle Projections 8 - 1

What is "Greatness?" Is it simply the ability to sidestep obstacles while capitalizing on ability and maximizing potential?  Or is it something more?  Is there an intangible trait some possess and others lack?  Are some bestowed a quality at birth driving them to accomplish more than most can imagine?  Is it just luck?  Or is luck something we create to rationalize why some always seem to win, while the rest of us sit and watch.  Whatever it is, or isn't, these guys always seem to find themselves at the top of the leader board.  Are they Great or just Lucky? 

Projection:  8th
Golfer:  Jason Lich
Years on Tour:  8
Average Net Score:  78.45
Best Finish:  2 (2007)
2014 Finish:  21
Computer Rank: 12
Expert Rank (Avg): 6.7
What We Say:  El Chupacraba.  For years you've tantalized us with your elusive ways.  We've heard rumors of your existence, and  there's been a few unconfirmed sightings but solid proof still evades us.  Once a perennial top 10 finisher, Lich has fallen off in recent years finishing last in 2013 and 21st in 2014.  Yet, there are reasons to believe this year could see a return to greatness. He's relocated from the pacific northwest to central Florida and as everyone knows, El Chupacabra doesn't thrive in damp, mist laden environments (thems homes to the 'squatch).  No, El Chupacabra enjoy warm climates where they can sit comfortably atop the predatory ladder.  Once again in his native environment, will finally see evidence of the great El Chupacraba?  I want to believe!

Projection:  7th
Golfer:  Kevin Shea
Years on Tour:  7
Average Net Score:  75.81
Best Finish:  1 (2014 & 2011)
2014 Finish:  1
Computer Rank:  11
Expert Rank (Avg): 6.7
What We Say:  Shea has been in the top 10 every year with the exception of 2012 when he played under the "champion's adjustment."  It says a lot that, despite once again playing with 4 additional strokes, we're projecting yet another top 10 finish.  What possible reason could we have for such a wild prediction?  Well, if ever there was a golfer who epitomized the LBI, it's Shea.  Drive the ball left onto another fairway?  No problem.....he'll still make par.  Hit a drive right and land under someone's deck?  Ain't no thing.....he'll still make birdie.  Do it all while sober and wearing a shirt?  Well, now he might have some issues, but under typical "Myrtle" conditions, this guy can do it all.  Plus this year he's on steroids....so there's that too.

Projection:  6th
Golfer:  XXXX XXXXXXXXX
Years on Tour: 7
Average Net Score:  78.22
Best Finish:  1 (2009)
2014 Finish:  18
Computer Rank:  5
Expert Rank (Avg): 8.3
What We Say:  XXXXX XXXXXXXX has never shot a good round of golf in his life, yet despite this rather large obstacle, he managed to win the LBI cup in ((())) and has finished inside the top 10 every year except for two.  XXX may not be the longest driver but he's almost always in the fairway.  XXX may throw a few 3-putts in the mix, but he's going to make his share of long ones. In fact,  XXXXX XXXXXXXX might well be the most balanced player on the LBI tour.  Except when he isn't, in which case he'll finish outside the top 10....which he's only done twice in 7 years.

Projection: 5th
Golfer:  Brian Ciarlo
Years on Tour:  8
Average Net Score:  77.1
Best Finish:  3 (2007)
2014 Finish:  13
Computer Rank:  8
Expert Rank (Avg): 7.3
What We Say:  Ciarlo is at the top of our projections each year we do them, and while he hasn't claimed a top 3 finish since the inaugural tournament, he's only finished outside of the top 10 twice.  Last year's disappointing finish was really more due to losing his focus rather than a decline in his skills.....and really let's be honest, how can anyone be expected to focus on a golf swing, when there are such lush and glorious trees to stare at.  This year the courses stack up much better for Ciarlo, with more sand than tree to distract him....so yeah....another top 5 feels about right. 

Projection:  4th
Golfer:  Chris Mikoy
Years on Tour:  7
Average Net Score:  77.25
Best Finish:  3 (2009)
2014 Finish:  9
Computer Rank:  4
Expert Rank (Avg): 3.3
What We Say:  It's tough to pinpoint exactly what is causing CT's steady decline in the standings.  After five years at the top of the field, CT's spent the past two towards the middle.  His scores have been trending in the right direction, but each year he loses more ground to an ever improving field.  Once upon a time a low handicap golfer could sleep walk through four rounds and still finish in the top 5, but it takes a little bit extra these days.  Most golfers today are using some kind of player assistance device to help them gain an edge; be that a laser range finder, GPS system, or bubbly caddie wearing a short skirt. These devices have greatly helped the mid and high handicappers to make major impacts in the standings.  CT however, prefers to play the game without such assistance...which seems dumb and not fun.  A (hopefully) temporary rule change for 2015 has outlawed one of these player assistance devices, so we should see the field drop back a bit, and a return to the top 5 for CT.  

Projection:  3rd
Golfer:  Al Samarias
Years on Tour: 2
Average Net Score:  74.25
Best Finish:  2 (2013)
2014 Finish:  7
Computer Rank:  1
Expert Rank (Avg): 4.3
What We Say:  In his short history in the LBI, Al's infamous reputation has caused quite the ripple amongst some of the older players and forced a few of the veterans to up their game to compete.  Oh no, were not talking about the golf game here...we're talking rage! Personally, I've devoted a large chink of my off-season workout routine to becoming an angrier golfer (early results have been impressive). Al finished second in his rookie season, but fell back to 7th in 2014 (he didn't get it next time). Why are we so bullish on him for 2015? Well primarily because putting him at the top will add a whole bunch of pressure and we love to see the fireworks show.  Other than our love for poking the bear, there are plenty of legitimate reasons.  Al has just the right mix of handicap and potential.  Other than the final round meltdown in 2013, Al typically plays pretty close to his handicap, which is saying a lot since the average golfer plays about 20% worse under Myrtle conditions.  If he can put together a couple of good rounds early, Al just might enter the final round with a big enough lead to hold.  Of course, if he doesn't...just sit back and enjoy the show!

Projection:  2nd
Golfer:  Brett Mikoy
Years on Tour: 8
Average Net Score:  74.84
Best Finish:  1 (2010 & 2013)
2014 Finish:  3
Computer Rank:  3
Expert Rank (Avg): 2.7
What We Say:  How Brett is able to handle all of the tournament logistics, deal with all of our drunken antics, ensure everyone is at the course for their tee times, and still fire rounds in the 70s is beyond me.  He's NEVER had a finish outside of the top 10.  His worst finish?  8th!  That's more ridiculous than the deal Lloyd  Braun can get you on a computer (or gum)!  He'll be rolling down to Myrtle with his lowest handicap ever, so the margin for error will be small.  Still, based on the way Brett is currently striking the ball, he's going to be really tough to beat.

Projection:  1st
Golfer:  Gabe Castro
Years on Tour:  4
Average Net Score:  74.06
Best Finish:  5 (2014)
2014 Finish:  5
Computer Rank:  2
Expert Rank (Avg): 1.7
What We Say: Gabe has been close a few times, only to fall short in the end.  This year, I see yet another year of coming up just a little short.  Oh, I know we're projecting him to win it all, but do you have any idea how difficult it is to live up to these pre-tournament expectations?  Well, I don't since I'm rarely projected to finish outside the top 15, but others seem to have a tough time golfing with a target on their back.  That said, there are plenty of reasons for optimism.  Gabe's golf game has never been better, and that's saying a lot since he's always been one of the better golfers in the field.  Beyond the golf game, he's learned to handle and embrace all of the other shenanigans that happen on and around the course.  That's critical for not only playing well and having a good time, but also keeping that target off your back!

To Rage or Not to Rage: Here are your LBI 2015 Target Scores

Have you ever wondered what you needed to shoot to win the LBI Cup?  Maybe you wondered if that 10 you just took on the 8th hole of round 1 means you're out of it?  Maybe you need to know if that club toss 50 yards down the fairway was warranted or not. 

The LBI Champion over the past 5 years (Oob Era) has won with an average score of 3 over par.  The lowest winning score was -1 and the highest was +7.  The LBI isn't the PGA Tour which means at any point the leader board can shift 10-15 strokes.  With that said, the past winners have not had a mind set of winning but more of have fun and if it happen is happens.  

Below are a few facts from past LBI's and a a table to show the average score each golfer must shoot to reach a total net tournament score of 3 over par. 

• Are you out after a 10 in round 1?  NEVER!!!  Troy had 10's in both rounds 1 & 2 yet finished 5 strokes back.
• It's not the PGA tour so being 20 or 30 strokes back after round 1 doesn't mean you're out of it.
• At any point and time someone near the top of the leader board will put up a big score or even a 10 which will change anything.  This happened in 2014.
• Even the best go down.  Tim was coasting to victory last year but an off day shooting in the 80's took him out.  Note he made a strong comeback in Rd4 to finish 1 back.

•  Last year Kevin made up 12 strokes on Al (3 round leader) and cleared him by 5 to win.
•  Not a 2014 winner but Troy jumped from 17th to 6th in the final round moving from 18 strokes back to 5 strokes back.

What does this all mean?  The only thing predictable in the LBI are shotguns. With that said here are your target scores to reach a total of 3 over par for the LBI:

Al Samarias - 90
Brett Mikoy - 76
Brian Ciarlo - 84
Buddy Wilbanks - 85
Chris Mikoy - 80
Chris Stevens - 95
Dan Nall - 97
Doug Barszcz - 108
Drex Fitzwater - 95
Gabe Castro - 81
Jason Lich - 81
John Razos - 109
Kevin Shea - 88
Matt Moden - 96
Matt Sapsford - 88
Mike Hollandsworth - 91
Mike Savitch -78
Pat Shea - 99
Rob Weinig - 96
Rufus Knight - 91
Ryan Doyle - 98
Sam Pozez - 80
Steve Boswell - 95
Troy Welck - 115

2015 Myrtle Projections 16 - 9

Middle of the pack might not be the sexiest place to finish but at the end of a grueling tournament, it's sure better than seeing your name at the bottom.  "How was your Myrtle trip?" A nosy co-worker might ask. "Eh...pretty good.  Only rained on us for one of the rounds, didn't spend too much on lap dances....finished somewhere in the middle of the pack."  Middle of the pack means you properly balanced golfing and relaxing with shotguns and shenanigans....all aspects of life aligned in universal harmony.

Projection:  16th
Golfer:  Chris Stevens
Years on Tour:  5
Average Net Score:  80.55
Best Finish:  10 (2011)
2014 Finish:  12
Computer Rank: 15
Expert Rank (Avg): 17
What We Say:  We've been waiting for White Lightning to break through for years...hell, two years ago we had him projected as our winner (we were wrong).  Every year he flashes enough potential to keep us hopeful, but not quite enough to break into the top 10.  Last year might have been his best LBI yet, finishing 12th in a very competitive field and dropping his average gross score by nearly 6 strokes.  What does all that mean for 2015?  Probably nothing.....but maybe something!


Projection:  15th
Golfer:  Rufus Knight
Years on Tour:  7
Average Net Score:  80.18
Best Finish:  5 (2012)
2014 Finish:  9
Computer Rank:  14
Expert Rank (Avg): 16.7
What We Say: This one doesn't feel right.  Rufus's scores are on a steady downward trend and 5 out of 7 years have resulted in a top 10 finish.  His short game has always been solid but consistency off the tee is where a lot of his improvements have come.  So why are we projecting a middle of the pack finish?  Maybe all these top 10s have flown under the radar.  Maybe we're all too dismissive of the 5-wood from 1974. Maybe I just want to sway the betting odds to take money from you suckers.

Projection:  14th
Golfer:  Pat Shea
Years on Tour: 2
Average Net Score:  77.63
Best Finish:  7 (2012)
2014 Finish:  15
Computer Rank:  10
Expert Rank (Avg): 14.3
What We Say:  Having the right equipment in your bag is essential.  Whether that means carrying an extra wedge, or multiple drivers with varying launch angles, knowing what to keep in your bag and what to pull out might make the difference between a top 10 or a missed cut.  There's a rumor Pat will be making a major equipment change this year - swapping out the ball retrieval stick for a handle of vodka. Will this change help launch him to the top of the pack?

Projection:  13th
Golfer:  Matt Sapsford
Years on Tour:  8
Average Net Score:  80.68
Best Finish:  3 (2010)
2014 Finish:  24
Computer Rank:  17
Expert Rank (Avg): 10.7
What We Say:  Oof.  What the hell happened last year?  Things appeared to be trending nicely for me.  Average scores edging down, ball striking on the rise...hell I even had a few rounds where I didn't get yelled at by a marshal.  So what's up with the last place finish in 2014?  As much as I'd like to cite a plethora of excuses including a then pregnant wife, closing on a home, and dealing with multiple banks while trying to read a putt, it all boils down to a shoddy mental game.  Positive spin?  Maybe last year was a crucible, from which a new, stronger Saps will emerge.  Reality?  I get pissed off somewhere during round 3 and break a golf cart windshield.

Projection:  12th
Golfer:  John Razos
Years on Tour:  2
Average Net Score:  77.25
Best Finish:  4 (2013)
2014 Finish:  23
Computer Rank:  19
Expert Rank (Avg): 12.7
What We Say:  Ah, the Greeks.  Unparallelled when it comes to philosophy and smoldering good looks, not so great when it comes to economics or golf.  Razos appeared out of nowhere in 2013 finishing 4th in his rookie campaign, and bringing a smoldering golf game together with his lusty Mediterranean heat.  Last year however, was a different story altogether.  Was he hiding an injury?  Was he combating the additional stress of being a new father?  Did he run out of feta on the back 9?  We're not quite sure what happened in 2014, making it tough to predict what we'll seen in 2015. Will this be a return to his 2013 form, or another year at the bottom of the pack.  Will we be seeing Plato....or Balki?

Projection:  11th
Golfer:  Mike Savitch
Years on Tour:  4
Average Net Score:  77.60
Best Finish:  5 (2007)
2014 Finish:  15
Computer Rank:  13
Expert Rank (Avg): 9.3
What We Say: Let's just get this out of the way right now.  We ALL have a crush on Thunder.  I defy anyone to look him in the eye and not gush (I'm giggling right now as I type).  Every little thing he does is Thunder'tastic (tm); towering, majestic drives....200 yard wedge shots.....50 foot, triple breaking putts....the dude seems to have everything in his bag (which always looks fashionable).  So why hasn't he finished inside the top 10 since his rookie year?  Part of if might be pressure.  Pressure of living up to everyone's expectations; pressure of being an Icon...of not letting everyone down....of trying to hit a shot from the fairway after someone has run over your ball with a cart.  Seriously....Thunder HATES it when you run over his ball with the cart.  If you're playing with him, you should probably run over his ball with your cart. 


Projection:  10th
Golfer:  Matt Moden
Years on Tour:  8
Average Net Score:  76.77
Best Finish:  1 (2007)
2014 Finish:  15
Computer Rank:  5
Expert Rank (Avg): 11.3
What We Say: In our instant gratification, 'what-have-you-done-for-me-lately' society we often overlook achievements that aren't fresh in our minds.  Moden's last top 10 finish may have come way back in 2010, but did you know he's currently 3rd in the all time LBI rankings?  Sure, you might not pay much attention to him if he's standing sideways, or if he's behind the flag stick....but as a 2-time champion, Moden shouldn't be overlooked.   He's a veteran on and off the course, and if you underestimate him, you might find yourself up a tree without a club.

Projection:  9th
Golfer:  Mike Hollandsworth
Years on Tour:  5
Average Net Score:  78.95
Best Finish:  3 (2011)
2014 Finish:  9
Computer Rank:  8
Expert Rank (Avg): 8.3
What We Say:  'Tini's first year in the LBI resulted in a DNF.  Actually it resulted in an unfortunate mozzarella stick experience on the 5th hole followed by a long nap in the Prestwick clubhouse.  Since then however, Mike's been a unrelenting top 10 machine.  If he can make it through his first 36 holes (which, as of this post is a BIG IF), he should be showing all his infamous "Top 10 Dance." 

2015 Myrtle Projections 24 - 17

As is our annual tradition, we in the Corporate Office of Communication and Knowledge Services have come together and pooled our vast intellectual resources to bring you the LBI 2015 Pre-Myrtle Projections!  As you can see from last year's recap, we really nailed these pre-season projections proving yet again, that you just can't out-think COCKS.  Oh, wait....I never did the 2014 recap....or the 2013 recap....or the 2012 recap?  Well, I did a recap back in 2011 and we did a really good job with our protections then, so shut up already and read what we have to say.  We're smart, and we use computers to perform like, really complicated modeling scenarios.

Using these advanced computer modeling techniques as well as polling three of the most sophisticated golf minds of our (or any) generation, we've come up with our 2015 projections.  Since we're masters of suspense (and because I haven't had time to finish 24 player write ups) we'll be releasing the  projections 8 at a time (8 / 24 = 3 releases).  Look for the next batch on Thursday, with the top 8 coming next Tuesday.

Projection:  24th

Golfer:  Ryan Doyle

Years on Tour:  1

Average Net Score:  96

Best Finish:  25 (2012)

2014 Finish:  n/a

Computer Rank:  22

Expert Rank (Avg): 23.3

What We Say:  Doyle had a mixed experience his first year in the LBI.  Sure, there were plenty antics and shenanigans, but his lack of rounds coming into the tournament resulted in an understated handicap (hence the average NET score of 96).  Oh, and during one of his rounds, his playing partner drove off and left him after 15 holes.  Will things be different this year?  Well, the handicap might be more accurate, but as a father of twins it's unlikely he's played any golf since LBI 2012....so no....results are probably not going to be any different.

Projection:  23th

Golfer:  Sam Pozez

Years on Tour:  ** Rookie **

Average Net Score:  n/a

Best Finish:  n/a

2014 Finish:  n/a

Computer Rank:  23

Expert Rank (Avg): 19.7

What We Say:  Sam is a rookie, and history says rookies don't fare too well in the tournament.  I've never met Sam nor have I seen him golf so it's tough to say if this projection is accurate or not.  All I know for sure, is that Sam is tied with Doug Barszcz for number of "z's" in the last name.  I have absolutely no idea what to do with that fact.

Projection:  22th

Golfer:  Drex Fitzwater

Years on Tour:  ** Rookie **

Average Net Score:  n/a

Best Finish:  n/a

2014 Finish:  n/a

Computer Rank:  23

Expert Rank (Avg): 19.7

What We Say:  I've never met Drex but I was a big fan of the Guardians of the Galaxy movie which featured a destroyer named Drax.  Drax was a dangerous man who...well...destroyed a lot of stuff.  From what I know about Drex, he likes to hang out with Nall at Carpool which makes him a dangerous man in his own right...and if Fireball is around this destroyer could wreck havoc on an unsuspecting foursome. 

Projection:  20th

Golfer:  Buddy Wilbanks

Years on Tour:  1

Average Net Score:  87

Best Finish:  24 (2014)

2014 Finish:  n/a

Computer Rank:  24

Expert Rank (Avg): 19.3

What We Say:  Like Doyle, Buddy's previous LBI experience was a mixed bag.  He left his golf game behind when he drove down, then he left his truck's rear quarter panel behind when he drove back.  We may never know what truly happened in the parking lot at Heather Glen, or who may or may not have been at fault, but we do know that Buddy has plenty of game....so long as he remember's to bring it down.

Projection:  19th

Golfer:  Doug Barszcz

Years on Tour:  6

Average Net Score:  82

Best Finish:  9 (2009)

2014 Finish:  19

Computer Rank:  19

Expert Rank (Avg): 20.3

What We Say:  Oh Douglas.  His best finish came in his rookie year but since then he's been playing it rather low key.  If there's one thing I know about Doug, it's that he's at his most dangerous when you aren't expecting it.  Then again, if there's two things I know about Doug, it's that he typically sets up his shenanigans months, if not years in advance.  I'm fully expecting Doug to shoot four even par rounds one of these years.  Will this be that year?

Projection:  18th

Golfer:  Troy Welck

Years on Tour:  7

Average Net Score:  82.96

Best Finish:  6 (2014)

2014 Finish:  6

Computer Rank:  17

Expert Rank (Avg): 19

What We Say:  Troy came out of nowhere last year to capture his first top-10 finish, and while shooting 15 strokes less than his career average, he damn near grabbed a top-5!  As much as I want this trend to continue, Troy has a couple of things working against him.  One....I don't know if Troy has touched his clubs since last year and b) we won't be soliciting the services of the Myrtle Beach Caddy Girls.  Yeah man....I'm pretty bummed about that too.

Projection:  17th

Golfer:  Dan Nall

Years on Tour:  1

Average Net Score:  79.25

Best Finish:  20 (2014)

2014 Finish:  20

Computer Rank:  15

Expert Rank (Avg): 17.3

What We Say: This is a tough one because Nall played really well as a rookie even though his overall finish didn't necessarily reflect that.  He might not have a lot of LBI tournaments under his belt, but make no mistake, Nall is a veteran when it comes to all of the other critical extra circular areas.  He's a more than capable golfer, well versed in shenanigans, now with a year of experience under his belt?  If you're looking for a dark horse for 2015, Nall could be the man.