Countdown to Myrtle: Meet your Golfers - Part 2

As some of you are (painfully) aware, I just got an iPad, and this has some very important ramifications. First, and foremost, I am now a hipster. Now, I've always had hipster tendencies (you may recall my crazy cool white sunglasses from last year or my love of comic books), but now I'm all in. Yup, from now on out I'm a full fledged, tight black T-shirt wearing, messenger bag toting, sipping my fair trade latte while blogging about music you've never heard of hipster. I'm also going to be mentioning my iPad at just about every chance I can.

It will probably go something like this: "nice putt Matt."
"thanks, I was trading posts with some people over in the keyhole forum on my iPad and I learned this green breaks hard to the left."

Or maybe: "Hey Saps, how did you know waffle house served all those items not found on the menu?".
"Oh, well I was checking out the Food spotting website on my iPad and learned all about the secret menu."

But more likely: "Hey buddy, why are you crying?"
"Because those assholes tossed my new iPad out the window of the RV."

Before you all start hating on my new hipster status, you should know there are some perks. Last year I brought my laptop down to Myrtle with every intention of updating the blog for all those following at home. Those of you at home will remember I did not accomplish this at all....not even close. Just a media blackout fail. But now that I'm a iPad toting hipster, I'm obligated by the hipster code to blog on a regular basis, and the updates will be flowing!

Of course, that doesn't come into play for another couple of weeks. So let's get back to the pre-LBI projections.


15. Dave Nasar

Making his 3rd trip, Dave is now an officially an LBI veteran - and after having off-season back surgery, Dave is an officially an old man. Of course, being in the old dude club means that Dave can also rock a bad ass moustache whenever he pleases. Seriously, the dude’s face is like the play dough fun factory, able to squeeze out a Freddy Mercury thick stash in a matter of minutes. Dave’s game shares the same laissez-faire approach he likes from his federal government. Yeah, he just finished his swing with a one handed follow through..what of it? You don’t have to worry about how many strokes he took and it's none of your business if his credit card is maxed. The ball is going to get into the hole eventually, Dave is going to drink some scotch....and somebody might get a free hat.

>>>VIEW PLAYER CARD>>>

Saps Says: Last year, Nasar fought through a bad back. He had surgery in the off season and is reportedly feeling better than he has in years. This should really help his game, but it should also help him enjoy LBI more - which is the important thing anyways, right? (Projected Finish - 16th)

CT Says: In the fall, Simon Cowell is starting a new show called the X Factor. Up to this point, Nasar’s biggest accomplishment in Myrtle has been to sport the best Freddy Mercury impersonation to be seen outside of SNL. Now, however, he’s had back surgery. He’s had ample time to recover, rehab and hone his game for myrtle. The X Factor is this: was his back the issue, or did his drinking cause much of the problems he faced on the course??? (It might be one year too early for me to predict a major turn around at myrtle...but rest assured i thought REAL hard about making him a dark horse. I guess I just don’t have the guts to make him the underdog of the year...(CT’s projection: 13th)


14. Pat Shea **LBI Rookie**

Not wanting to be completely one-upped by the Mikoy clan, the Shea brothers are looking to make their Myrtle presence felt. Pat's addition has a lot of the LBI crew concerned...not to mention my girlfriend, who upon learning another Shea was joining, wept for hours. After we visited a lawyer and got all my affairs in order, I visited a buddist temple and made peace with the universe. I can safely say that I am ready for whatever may come of this Maelstrom of Shea. My advice to all you is to do the same.

>>>VIEW PLAYER CARD>>>

Saps Says: Adding another Shea to the mix spells trouble for the entire field. Pat is plenty capable, but we need to see how he handles the LBI before projecting any top 10 finishes. (Projected Finish - 12th)

CT Says: There’s two theories behind ranking a Shea. One says that he’ll be a good drinker. The other says that he’ll be tall. I know at least one of those to be true. As you can see, neither of these have anything to do with golf. My one memory of Pat is at Kevin’s wedding where the bridal party entered the reception to the title track from the jock jams cd; and he was into it. Who cares how he plays, he will assuredly fit in well in myrtle. Since I must rank him... (Projected Finish - 11th)


13. Bryan Mikoy

Here comes the story of the Hurricane. We only wish the authorities had came to claim him! By day, this mild mannered family man does stuff with the kids, spends time with the wife, and works around the house. He’s Mr. Mom...the picture of suburban bliss. But when an accidental overdose of booze mixes with his unique body chemistry, a startling metamorphosis occurs.....the creature is drive by rage...and booze. Just as Thor commands the thunder with his hammer, so to does the Hurricane command sobriety with his bellow. With real power comes real responsibility, and Hurricane has been responsible for at least one DQ so far.

(This bio contains 3 references to Marvel superheros...can you guess which ones? Here’s a hint; I didn’t have sex in high school.)

>>>VIEW PLAYER CARD>>>

Saps Says: Last year we had him ranked really high, and he failed to live up to his single digit handicap. This year I think more of the same. The handicap is too low to shrug off a blow up round. (Projected Finish - 11th)

CT Says: In 2008 all we heard for six months was “i’m comin after ya. my game is really strong now”. 2008 result: FAIL. After taking a hiatus in 2009, he came into Myrtle with the lowest handicap of the group and immensely high hopes. While it wasn’t a complete fail, he was bested by his brother on all fronts. In 2011’s LBI he’ll have 3 years of solid play and a close friend who is a ringer to help balance him. It could be his year...That is, unless the pressure gets to him again. His game may be the most improved of anyone in myrtle to date. I’d love to see him prove me wrong, but that handicap is just too low. (Projected Finish - 15th)


12. Rufus Knight

Here are 3 facts about Rufus; He's a proud father, he gets really excited for good food, and he wears long pants on the golf course. Here's one fact about me; I may have a bit of a man crush (It's just so hard to find some who matches my enthusiasm for sandwiches). His game has flashes of goodness intermixed with random badness...and I really do mean random. Over the course of 18 holes, 7 tee shots will employ a strong right to left draw and land perfectly in the fairway, 4 might drift off to the right and land out of bounds, 5 will snap too far to the left and land in the woods, and 2 will fly perfectly straight. Despite being a random shot generator off the tee, Rufus is strong with the short game and may have some of the softest hands of the group. If I play my cards right, maybe he'll even let me hold one. Crap...did I just type that? Great, now I'm gonna blush when I see him next.

>>>VIEW PLAYER CARD>>>

Saps Says: One day, Rufus will learn to hit a consistent ball off the tee, and when that happens he'll be very good. Still, he's got the short game to help make up for the tee box wildness, and should finish in the top 10. (Projected Finish - 9th)

CT Says: I’m still waiting for Rufus to really find his Myrtle identity. He always has a great time. He’s a great man to hang with and is always ready to go out. He might end up getting you excited about drinking but all the time he’s throwing shots over his shoulder. But my question still remains about whether he can find the consistency to put him in the top 5. (Projected Finish - 13th)


11. Doug Barszcz

As famed naturalist Dian Fossey once remarked "By far, the Doug Barszcz is the most playful of the mountain gorillas...his mirthful exuberance and inquisitive nature displays an eerie similarity to humans...truly we are more alike than not." Barz's siren-like abilities will leave golfers scratching their heads and wondering "how the hell did I get so drunk out there...I don't remember ordering that many beers..." Much like the Spanish Inquisition, few see the Barz effect coming - one minute you're casually drinking a beer, and the next you're laying face down naked in the parking lot.

>>>VIEW PLAYER CARD>>>

Saps Says: And so begins the race for last! Barz has the early edge to finish best among the final 5, but anything is possible.. (Projected Finish - 15th)

CT Says: Barz is almost 6 foot tall. Barz weighs north of 200lbs. He’s the kind of guy, who if he was messing with you in a bar, you would think twice about steppin’ to. All that said, Barz’ swing is cute. It’s just so soft and cuddly. I’ve been asking myself (and him) for years now “where is the power?”. Is he the gentle giant? Does he want to ensure he doesn’t re-activate the hernia? is it the gout? No one knows, but through it all, he’s found a way to get those 120/130 scores down to the low 100s. If he can make that happen over 2-3 rounds, he’ll be up there. I, for one, think this will be his year. Oh, and his chin looks like a balls. (Projected Finish - 3rd)


10 down and 10 top go! Tune in next time to learn 10 through 5.....same LBI time, same LBI channel.

See what i did there with the reference to the 1960s Batman? Val Kilmer's Batman is so mainstream....Adam West is cool

~Saps
Posted from my iPad

Countdown to Myrtle: Meet Your Golfers - Part 1

Can you believe LBI 2011 is less than a month away?? In fact, by the time you read this, it will probably be even closer! Holy crap! I just don't know how to contain all this excitement!

Well, you know what, I don't have to contain nothing. Nope, I'm just letting it fly loose and free. Running up and up and down the halls yelling "MyrtleMyrtleMyrtleMyrtleMyrtle" over and over again. I even have my own little "Myrtle Dance". Yup, by the time May 17th gets here (provided I still have a job), my office will probably offer to pay my way down to Myrtle, just to get me the hell out of here.

Still, I suppose I could focus some of this energy constructively. To that end, I'll be updating the blog regularly between now and RV departure - beginning with this installment of "Meet your golfers." Last month, a panel of experts performed a highly scientific statistical analysis of each golfer, and then fed this data into a computer. After surfing porn for a couple of hours and playing Angry Birds, the research team went back to the data, analyzed the information, and projected each golfer's LBI 2011 finish. This stuff is strong with the science!

So without further adieu, I present the bottom 5 projected finishes...and Boswell. Remember, you can view the full bio's and look at a ton of statistics, summaries, and even swing videos for each golfer at the LBI website.

N/A Steve Boswell

Is the pope a catholic? Does a Bos $#&@ in the woods? As the elder statesman of the group, Jesus Boswellio carries a regal nobility which compliments his mature demeanor. That is unless he’s running around the golf course with his testicles hanging out of his pants. A lover of beers both Belgian and hopped, Sir Boswellicus the Inebriated can often be found swilling beverages at the Bottom Line with his current life partner Shea (rumor is they got married during a recent trip out to Las Vegas). Bos’s golf game took turn a big time turn in 2009 as he fought through a wrist injury and multitudes of mental demons to win the LBI Cup. Unfortunately, the injury bug has reared it’s ugly head, and Bos won’t be participating in the 2011 LBI Championship. Shoulder surgery may keep him off the greens, but it won’t keep him away from Myrtle. Happily, Bos will still be making the trek this year - you’ll find him drinking beers and chilling in the golf cart with Shea’s “caddies.”

>>>View Player Card>>>

20 Jimmy Flynn **LBI Rookie**

Jimmy is big. Everything about Jimmy is big. Big boy, big laugh, big personality....and his big fist will leave a big bruise on your arm (just ask Bos). Jimmy is also loud. Oh lordy, he’s loud. For Myrtle, we’re not only projecting some big scores but we’re also expecting you to know about them even if you’re three groups back. Jimmy is rolling down to Myrtle as a rookie, and whether or not he is able to knock the rust off his game in the next month, he will more than likely succumb to more than a couple big, loud nights. There’s no doubt the big boy will have fun, the question is just how much will that fun interfere with the golf game. The answer is probably “a lot.” Heaven help us all if Bubba and Hurricane decide to have a ‘big’ night at the same time. I don’t know if any of us can withstand that kind of punishment.

>>>View Player Card>>>

Saps Says: The question is not whether or not Jimmy will place last, it's whether or not he'll finish. Bet hard for the DNF!!! (Saps's Projection - 19th)

CT Says: Speaking anecdotally, it took Jimmy a solid two to three seasons before his true bowling skills were exhibited to their fullest potential. Even today, carrying the first or second highest average on the team, he still cowers from the clean up position. He’s just not yet a closer. But he’s young and even Mariano Rivera started out as a set up man.

Jimmy’s golf game doesn’t appear to be in the same class as his bowling game. So, don’t bet too much money on him bringing home a trophy this year. But also, don’t bet on anyone he’s paired up with, either... (CT's projection - 18th)

19 Mike Hollandsworth

Along with Lich, Brett, & Hurricane Mikoy, Mike is among the only member of the LBI crew to post a score of 72. Unfortunately, it was on the back 9 at Old Hickory. As a rookie in 2010, Mike was the only golfer not to finish a round. While his last place finish was primarily due to the effects of Hurricane Mikoy, Hollywood (admit it, you loved that movie) struggled over the course of the week and Bryan’s alcoholic assault could very well be considered a Kevorkian like mercy killing. Still, there is optimism for 2011 - Mike may be rolling to Myrtle with a couple lessons under his belt and his actual handicap is getting closer and closer to the max allowed by law (39.1 vs. 36.4). Plus, we’ll have couple of new faces this year which should give Mike an edge, albeit ever so slight.

>>>View Player Card>>>

Saps Says: It'll be another battle for last place, but Hollandsworth is working hard to get his average in line with his handicap. He's got a long way to go, and unfortunately he could be the most improved player coming into Myrlte and still not show any change in handicap or rankings. (Saps's Projection - 18th)

CT Says: With that high handicap, it’s so tempting to put him up as a contender. Add to that a recent lesson that changed his grip has enabled him to post a couple rounds south of 120 and this kid is just begging the risk takers to throw some money on him. But I’ve got a kid and a wife and am just not in a position to take such a risk. I believe as early as next year he could be a strong contender. But this year, there’s still too many questions to be answered with his game... (CT's projection - 19th)

18 Troy Welck

Trouble T-Roy. He’s Mayhem from the television commercials; “I’m the quiet guy riding next to you in the golf cart. While you’re growing more and more frustrated with your game, I’m ordering another 12-pack from the beverage cart. While you’re adding up your scorecard, I’ve already ordered up a second round of shots. You blink, and all it’s 7am and you’re in a strip club parking lot.” As best I can tell, Troy hasn’t picked up a club since he left Myrtle a year ago, but then again practice was never all that high of a priority. From the wake up, grip it and rip it school, Troy’s game is all about quiet sneakiness. Pay attention!

>>>View Player Card>>>

Saps Says: Trouble T-Roy...the name says it all. (Saps's Projection - 17th)

CT Says: Troy is here to get his fix of golf and spend some quality drunken time with the boys. If you’re betting on Troy, I recommend sticking with whether or not he leaves Myrtle Beach with a cell phone. Historically, that’s a 50/50 bet. (CT's projection - 17th)

17* Rob Weining **LBI Rookie**

*potentially injured

In a word, eclectic (here you go Jimmy). Sure, he may look like a dirty hippie, and yes he plays plays guitar, mandolin, sings, acts and has long hair. But he also plays flag football for the CAN league, baseball with the Newshounds and now golf with LBI. Oh wait, he grills a mean burger, and infuses his own booze (although, drinking one of his mysterious concoctions may cause you to vomit off the back of a deck). So just how will this jack of all trades fare down in Myrtle with the jacks of all asses? Can Rob add surviving Myrtle to his list of accomplishments, or will he hit that rookie wall? Only time will tell. Actually, that’s a completely ridiculous question. He’s gonna hit the wall.

Saps Says: Looking at it from only a golf perspective, Rob has an excellent chance of posting solid scores. His game is steady, and while he’s not the biggest hitter, he generally stays out of trouble. Of course, we all know Myrtle isn’t just about the golf and there is a good chance he’ll hit that rookie wall. Still, I think Rob will make a strong showing in his rookie trip and finish inside the top 15. (Saps's Projection - 13th)

CT Says: Even before he’s been on a single LBI trip, Rob is already being considered for a yearly memorial award. He recently suffered a broken face after being sucker-punched trying to break up a fight at a Caps game. It’s clear he cares about his fellow man and there’s nothin’ but good karma coming his way for a long while. On top of all this, his diet leading up to LBI ‘11 will be very similar to what he’ll be getting in Myrtle; LIQUID! While I must admit I made this prediction prior to (i) knowing Rob at all and (ii) him suffering this setback, I wish I could now make him finish stronger. Just being able to make it and play will be a win this year. (CT's projection - 14th)

>>>View Player Card>>>

16 Chris Stevens

The legend of White Lightning started way back in the fall of 1987. George Michael’s “Faith” was sitting atop the charts and a fresh-faced Charlie Sheen was learning all the wrong lessons from mentor Gordon Gekko. The weather was unseasonably warm for Topeka and Chris Stevens was curled up with high school sweet-heart Sandy Peppersmith in the cool shade of her father’s willow tree. Locals say the storm approached from nowhere, and when the hail fell, the two love birds were miles away from any shelter. They say never to stand under a tree when lightning is present, but with no where to run, the lovers huddled beneath the mighty tree, hoping for it’s protection. The last thing Chris saw was an explosion of light, and then...darkness. When he awoke, both he and Sandy were safely inside the school gym, taking refuse with the rest of the community as an F-5 tornado ripped through the town. But what happened to them, and how did they get there? Dozens of eye witnesses shared a similar, though confusing sight. They saw a white blur, that could best be described as a man carrying a woman away from the deadly funnel. Those in the gym don’t even recall seeing Chris and Sandy enter they gym...they just appeared...Chris dazed and out of breath. To this day, Chris doesn’t know how they arrived safely, or why his pubic hair is white.

>>>View Player Card>>>

Saps Says: If he goes on a run here and there, Stevens could edge a little higher in the standings. I'm confident he'll round out the top 15. (Saps's Projection - 15)

CT Says: Stevens has been nowhere to be seen on the courses since last year’s Myrtle. However, it’s been 7 years since I’ve lived back in DC and I still have no clue if he even has a job. So, could he have been playing under the radar and practicing like a madman? Sure, it’s possible; but unlikely. He’ll come. He’ll bring a great attitude. He’ll drink his fair share of beers and beyond. But contend? Not this year. (CT's projection - 16th)

So there you have the projected bottom 5. Coming soon, #s 15 - 11. Who is the projected #1? Stay tuned to find out - and as always you can head over to the LBI Facebook group to discuss / argue / lay down bets! Now, if you will excuse me, I have a Myrtle jig to perform in my office.

MyrtleMyrtleMyrtleMyrtleMyrtle

~Saps

Course Review: Cannon Ridge Golf Club

"An 18-hole links course crammed into a 9-hole executive footprint"

Cannon Ridge Golf Club

9000 Celebrate Virginia Parkway
Fredericksburg, VA 22406-5445
(540) 735-8000

View Map

Rates (Weekday / Weekend):

Off Season - $59 / $69

In Season - $69 / $79

Twilight: Yes

Off Season - 2PM

In Season - 3PM

We've been playing golf in the Washington DC / Northern Virginia / Southern Maryland region for a number of years now, and it's a rare treat to play a new course. Cannon Ridge may not be the newest kid on the block (opened in 2003) but it was new to us, and I was excited to tee it up on a fresh face.

Cannon Ridge is a difficult course to review because there are so many positive aspects and only one real negative. The course boasts an impressive number of accolades including the 4-star "Best Places to Play" from Golf Digest ('06, '08, '08) as well as #1 Public Course on the East Coast (Golf Digest 2004) and the Top 3 Affordable New Public Course (Golf Digest 2004). Despite almost an hour drive from Washington DC, the friendly staff, well maintained fairways, smooth greens, nice practice facilities, and solid value make this course worthy of fighting I-95 traffic. Well...almost. All of these positive qualities just couldn't make up for the frustratingly claustrophobic layout.

I'll dig into my concerns with the layout in a bit, but first the positives. Perhaps more than any course in the area, Cannon Ridge does an excellent job of providing the all around golf experience. By this, I mean they do all of the little things which made it feel as though we were on a destination golf trip, rather than just your typical weekend tee time. Walking up to the course, the first thing we noticed was the large fire pit adjacent to the bag drop. Not only did this provide warmth on an unseasonably cold spring morning, it also gave off a rustic and antebellum charm - perfectly in sync with Cannon Ridge's civil war battlefield setting. The frost delay gave us an opportunity to explore the practice facilities, which were solid and well above average for the area. The range made use of grass tees (always a nice treat) and while the practice balls seemed old and beat up, we just figured they didn't want to break out the good balls in the soggy weather. Considering how everything else was top notch, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

The clubhouse isn't big, but they make good use of the limited space by providing a quaint feel. The bar area is also small, but the staff is friendly and mix a super solid bloody Mary. Drink specials included 6-pack specials for $12 (including PBR....yum!), and the grill made one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches we've seen.

Ok, so we've mentioned the value, the quaint / rustic charm, the friendly staff and the overall experience. Sounds perfect, right? Well it was....until we got to the first tee box. Looking out from the first tee, we honestly couldn't tell where to aim. #1, #2, #10 and #18 are stacked so closely together, that even though one of our foursome had played here in the past, he still aimed down #10. Not only was aiming difficult, but because the greens were right next to the tee boxes, it was almost impossible to keep your focus from all of the chatter. And it didn't get any better as you moved farther away from the clubhouse. Almost every tee box sits right atop the previous green - you'll get to know the group ahead and behind very well. Stacking the holes so closely also made the course feel more crowded. The course played slow for us (5.5 hour round), but I feel much of that can be blamed on the frost delay. Even if the course played faster, I still don't believe it would feel any less crowded. There was just too much stuff packed into too small of an area. Beyond the distraction of playing right on top of other golfers, the course layout was down right dangerous at times. #13 and #14 run up and back, but share a cart path. These two holes are also cart path only (no matter the conditions). As you drive away from #13 tee box, you will find yourself staring straight down the barrel of the tee box on #14. It doesn't even take a wild shot to put golfers in jeopardy.

The worst part however, is the individual hole layouts were brilliant. Architect Deane Beman does an excellent job of working with the land's natural contours and undulations. Every hole has its own personality - with multiple elevation changes and forced carries over ravines (make sure you play the appropriate tee box!). The course looks like it was carved into the landscape rather than simply bulldozed and planted. There are also several markers detailing various civil war related points of interest. When you take each hole in isolation, the course is damn near perfect. When you put it all together, it's just too damn cramped.

Some may argue the tightly packed layout is just a characteristic of a links style course - and while short tee to green distances are an hallmark of this style, I can't accept that the designer wanted golfers to feel this uncomfortable. More likely, the close proximity of the holes came about due to a desire to make optimal use of the available land. According to their website, Cannon Ridge is planning to add a second 18 sometime in the near future (though, this course would be private), and walking around the course you can see where they've already cleared the land to be developed. Soon they'll have 27 holes crammed into a space that should really hold 18.

Is it worth the drive? The value is there and so is the personality...but it's so cramped. It's a real shame, because they've absolutely nailed the little things. At the end of the day, while I enjoyed myself at the course, I just didn't enjoy myself on the course.

Simple Math

I've talked with many beginners about their fears of playing golf with low handicappers, and the most common response I hear is they don't want to be embarrassed. While this is understandable, it's also complete crap. Low handicappers really don't care how poorly you play. In fact, the reason someone is able to consistently shoot in the 70s or 80s is because they are really focused on what they are doing. No, what annoys a low handicapper is not how many balls you fire into the woods, it's the time spent looking for the balls you fire into the woods. Nothing kills a round of golf faster than slow play. It's the age old adage: if you're going to suck, suck fast.

"That's total BS," you're probably saying "I've seen low handicappers looking for their ball in the woods. In fact, I've played with guys who spend what seems like forever before they give up and take a penalty stroke. It's not fair."

There's a reason low handicappers are "allowed" to spend a few minutes looking for a lost ball - they're better at golf! Take a breath and relax, I'm not advocating any kind of golfer elitism. Much like Ferris Bueller, I don't condone ism's. It's really a matter of simple math. A low handicapper might take as many as 20 to 30 fewer strokes than a beginner. If the two golfers finish the round in the same time, the beginner must play faster in order to pack those extra strokes into the round.

And now for some math...

Let's take an "average" round of 4 hours and 45 minutes or 285 minutes. In order to play 18 holes in this time, a golfer needs to play each hole in a little under 16 minutes. Looking at it another way, an average course comes in around 6,600 yards - to cover this distance the golfer needs to average 1 yard for every 2:35 seconds.

So:

For an average par 3 ~180 yards, you would assume 7 minutes and 46 seconds

For an average par 4 ~380 yards, you would assume 16 minutes and 25 seconds

For an average par 5 ~500 yards, you would assume 21 minutes and 35 seconds

Are you with me so far? Pretty basic, but now we're going to toss in a couple of wrinkles. You see, the time assumption can't be applied so simply since the majority of time on each hole is taken on the tee box and on the putting green. We're assuming it splits thusly:

10% of the time is spent on the tee box

40% of the time is spent between the tee box and the green

50% of the time is spent on the green

Let's go back to our initial estimate of 16 minutes per hole (4 hours 45 minutes / 18 holes). Using the assumptions identified above, you would see the following:

~1.5 minutes on the tee box

~9 minutes on the green

~6.3 minutes between tee and green

Over the course of a 4 hour and 45 minute round, the average golfer will spend around 28 minutes on the tee boxes, and 143 minutes on the greens.

Oh, and you still need to get from the tee to the green. For this exercise we'll assume the use of golf carts with an average speed of 12 miles per hour or 21,120 yards per hour or 352 yards per minute. Now, lets also take that average course length of 6,600 yards and gross it up by 10% (since you rarely go from the tee box to the green in a straight line), which gives us an estimated driving distance of 7,260 yards. In a golf cart traveling 352 yards per minute, the average golfer will spend 28.6 minutes driving around the course.

So now we've got:

28 minutes on the tee box

143 minutes on the greens

28 minutes driving in the golf cart

Subtotal: 191.6 minutes

All of this leaves a little over 93 minutes to reach the green after you've left the tee box!

But wait, there's more. Since a par 3 only requires a tee shot to reach the green (or at least the area around the green), we'll take them out. Assuming the average course has four par 3's, we'll take those remaining 93 minutes and divide them by the remaining 14 holes, giving us 6.7 minutes.

What does that mean? Simply put, in order to finish a round of golf under the 4 hour 45 minute mark, a golfer has less than 7 minutes to get to the green once they leave the tee box on each hole.

Based on a golfers handicap, we can assume the following:

Handicap: Avg Number of Shots to Reach the Green:

0-5 1.0

6-10 1.5

11-15 2.0

16-20 2.5

21-25 3.0

25+ 4.0

Here's where all that complicated math gets simple. Since the low handicapper will probably only require 1 or 2 shots to reach the green. This means they can can take the time to look for the occasional ball in the woods. The law of averages says that if they spend 5 minutes looking for a ball on one hole, they'll make that time up somewhere along the round. The high handicapper on the other hand, will have to cram 3 or 4 shots into that 7 minute window - which means they simply don't have time to spend looking for a ball.

Here's a graph:

Whereas the low handicapper can spend the full 7 minutes on the shot, a 25+ golfer will need to average under 2 minutes per shot. That doesn't leave much time for practice swings, club selection, shot gunning beers, looking for lost balls, apologizing to home owners, and filling out insurance forms. If your handicap is in the 20s or even if you're a 10 to 15, you just don't have time to mess around out there. If you're worried about losing balls, either buy cheaper balls (there are a lot of good ones out there) or get better. When you hit a ball into the woods, give it a quick look, then take the drop and penalty. Heck, the penalty stroke is probably going to HELP your scorecard rather than spending 4 strokes trying to punch out of the woods.

There you have it, mathematical proof that if you are going to suck, suck fast. So to all you beginners out there, the next time your low handicap buddy invites you out, take him up on the offer. No one minds playing with beginners, so long as they don't kill the round with slow play.

~Saps

How will it all end?

There are some dangerous events on the horizon, but just how will it all end? Make your guess and see if you're right! At the very least it'll give you something to brag about during armageddon!!

Blasters: A Retrospective

Looking back, it was fitting Shea and I received the Montgomery County Golf email when we did. The two of us were sitting at bar, two beers into an impromptu day-after-Thanksgiving booze-a-thon. As we waited for others to trickle in, we opened our phones and sealed our fate; "9-holes...par 45...5,557 yards....Blasters Open..." We fired off emails to the local crew, and within minutes we had Brett signed up as our 3rd. Mikey would join up later to round out what would become an epic foursome.

Essentially what they'd done was take the par 70, 6,100-yard course at Falls Road and cut it in half....then doubled it. Rather than the first hole being a short 330 yard par 4, it was transformed into an 800-yard par 6! Holes included sharp 90 degree doglegs, blind shots over trees, forced carries over greens (many of which were in play and contained fellow blasters trying to sink putts while ducking for cover)! In a word....Blasters!!!!

See the flyer: http://www.montgomerycountygolf.com/pdf//2010%20FRGC%20Blasters%20Open.pdf

The format was an odd combination - a "shamble" they called it. Each player fired a tee shot and everyone played from the best drive. From there, each player played their own ball, and the best score was recorded. This added an additional level of difficulty - especially for our squad which included a 36+ handicapper. It also meant that birdies would be super difficult, unless you were the group that cheated (and therefore won), but we'll get to that soon enough.

Much like Myrtle, the days leading up to the Blasters could not pass fast enough.

The 4 of us felt like school girls waiting for an NKOTB concert to start. "Why can't it be here already," we'd whine over and over. I passed the time creating an elaborate google map of the golf course complete with blasters strategy....to which we did not adhere in the slightest. Of us all, Shea was easily the most excited. Blasters was scheduled to start promptly at 10 am. Shea was knocking on Brett's door a hair before 7 am, with the first documented shotgun performed at 6:56 am. I boarded the metro leaving Vienna at 7:15 and joined the shotgun festivities around 8:30 am. The Blasters was already living up to expectations. When Mike arrived I gave everyone their Blaster's day presents - a dozen florescent (yellow and orange) bridgestone e-6's....individually labeled with the team Blasters logo (arts and crafts time). After a couple more shotguns and a few shots of bourbon, we loaded our bags with CL's and lit out towards the Blasters.

When we arrived at Falls Road, we were already feeling the effects of drinking before breakfast (or DBB)...you know that mix of the not quite awake feeling you have before the 6th cup of coffee and the elevated buzz you get from drinking on an empty stomach. The placid jitters of a nervous calm. We signed in and grabbed a little something to eat at the complimentary breakfast - mainly just coffee and muffins, but it was included which was nice. Actually, I should pause here to point out just how rad Montgomery County and the Falls Road Golf Course are. Not only was this a great idea and a great deal ($60 per player, included small breakfast, range tokens, drink specials, and a couple complimentary 16 oz boozer!!), but it really showed a departure from the stuffy attitudes you get at a lot of courses. They essentially designed a tournament where golfers were encouraged to go all 'Happy Gilmore' - firing drivers from the fairway, spraying balls all over the course, and enjoying a few beers and laughs along the way. Big ups to Montgomery County Golf for encouraging some fun.

Anyway, back to the impending debauchery. The weather forecast was calling for a "moderate" December day, with temperatures in the high 30s. Instead we arrived at the course to find a frost delay (not unexpected) and snow flurries (somewhat unexpected). Brett and I decided the best course of action was to belly up to the bar and order a few pre-round boozers. We ordered a 12 pack of 16oz CLs (in addition to the dozen or so beers we had in our bags). As we cracked open a tall boy, we noticed we were the only ones drinking. A fellow Blaster approached us:

"Wow, I wasn't sure the bar was open yet."

"The bar opened at 6:56." Brett replied.

After about 45 minutes they herded us to our carts and set us off - not because the frost had burned off, but because conditions weren't going to get any better. The snow continued as we drove to our starting hole. We teed off on hole #9; a 679-yard downhill par 5. They had 2 groups starting out at each hole, and the group at the tee box with us consisted of 4 older gentlemen in their late 50's. Mikey started us off but the tee box was still frozen so hard he couldn't get a tee into the ground. One of the older dudes behind us laughed and said "does anyone have a hammer?" Not missing a beat, Brett ran over to Mike's bag and produced a bottle of Gentlemen's Jack.

"I've got the hammer right here," Brett, now king of the one-liners, said.

The old dude happily took the bottle from Brett, unscrewed the cap, and very professionally put down a shot. Blasters.

The florescent yellow and orange blasters balls seemed like a fun novelty - obnoxious but functional (which pretty much sums up everyone in the LBI), but as we made our approach shots on the first hole we learned the bright orange and yellow was going to be critical. The snow was now completely covering the greens - and they were still frozen.

It took a couple of holes before we got used to the frozen factor. Anything landing on the green took a cart path sized bounce into the air. Putting on the snow covered greens was even more of a challenge. The balls picked up snow as they rolled, making any putt over 5 feet impossible. I don't mean that as hyperbole - it wasn't possible to know which way the ball would spiral as it picked up snow, nor was it possible to know how far the ball would roll before it stopped. I make this point because not only was each player responsible for playing their own balls after the drive, but you couldn't hold the frozen greens - and you couldn't sink a putt. Facing all of this, the winning team claims to have shot 4 under...on a par 9, 5,550-yard frozen and snow covered course.....playing snow white balls. Say it with me kids; "Shenanigans!"

More on the cheating later.

Our 2nd hole was #1 - this was my favorite Blaster's hole. I started it out with a big drive down the middle of the fairway. Because of the frozen ground, the ball landed and rolled up to the green - almost 320 yards. For my next shot, I tried to play a "safe" shot based on the strategy I laid out in my Blasters course guide. I failed (terribly), but I learned an important lesson; there is no safe shot in the Blasters. Brett hit the first of several solid drivers off the deck. I believe Shea also hit a driver off the deck or maybe it was a fairway wood....either way it was a Crush over the next tee box, a little to the right but a long way. I can't remember exactly what Mike did, but I know for a fact he didn't hit the ball 200 yards to the left. Or maybe that's exactly what he did. Cue the circus music for another entertaining romp on the frozen greens, and we recorded our second par and moved onto the next hole.

I won't detail each hole, but I feel the first 3 are worthy of the electronic ink. Hole #2 (our 3rd hole) started on a par 3, with the tee shot flying over the green, over the cart path, and over the tee box on the next hole. Moreover, the flight line also traveled over the left edge of the #3 green, so someone had to drive over and fore-caddy / tell the dudes putting to kiss their asses good-bye. No one died at our hands (thankfully) but even though our shots all landed in a good position, we still came within 10 yards of the guys on the green. Again, this was by design...they designed to course to have people putting with golf balls whizzing by their heads! Blasters!

Since there was a bit of a backup at the start, we waited until our 4th hole before our 1st on course shotgun (though we'd been plowing through the beers, and had several shots of the whiskey to keep warm). The 16 oz tall boys went down hard in the cold snow, but they eventually went down. The group behind us gave us a little tip of the cap. By the time we reached "the turn" after the 5th hole, we needed more beers (even our bags were growing light).

The course only had one par 3, weighing in at 282 yards (uphill, of course). It's December, the snow is still falling, albeit a flurry, and while we've lost any comprehension of time, we figure it's probably somewhere around Shirtless o'clock.

Maybe it was the Gentleman's Jack, or the shotguns, or the CLs, or the adrenaline rush from teeing off half naked with the group behind us watching - but it really didn't feel all that cold at the time. My ball was crushed and actually finished past the hole (keep in mind the ground was still frozen solid). Unfortunately the green was elevated and my ball rolled down the hill to the right. I didn't win closest to the pin (yes, there was actually a prize for closest to the pin on a 282 yard par 3), but I did managed to get up and down for bogey - and since everyone else's tee shot landed in suck, the bogey was key. Oh, I should mention we didn't just rock the shirtless for our tee shots then cower back under our multiple layers - oh no, we honored the shirtless par 3 and rolled the entire hole. Whatever warmth I was feeling on the tee box was quickly gone as we drove off in our carts. After we holed out, we took in another of life's goodnesses - Shirtless Shotguns....again with spectators.

When we walked into the clubhouse we were feeling pretty good, both in terms of our score and our level of intoxication. We finished at +4, and while we knew we weren't going to win, we thought it was a respectable score - and it was. There were some monster numbers posted and we were towards the front of the pack. We gorged on the chili and plethora of fried goodness Falls Road laid out for us, and awaited the winning score. On the course we'd shared a beer with one of the course pros and back in the clubhouse he was giving us some insight into the groups. It turned out the course pros were playing in the tournament, and they seemed to be the team to beat (one guy racked up all of the long drive prizes). Much to our surprise, the team of course pros finished 2nd at -1, a heck of a good score considering all of the obstacles. They then announced the winning team...finishing at -4. I remember a lot of grumbling from the crowd - even the guy making the announcement made an off handed comment about them fudging their score. Brett however, decided not to reduce his objections to a dull murmur.

"Bullshit!"

"Booooooo. Boooo. Bullshit. Bullshit!"

"BULLSHIT!"

At first there were some laughs, but then it got a little awkward...except for our table. We were rolling. Because really, screw those guys! There was NO WAY they finished with that score. There was no way they could have made any long putts, and there was no way their balls got lucky enough to land close enough to the hole on frozen greens.....no way...no way.

Putting the bitterness behind, we rolled back to Brett's place. Mike, who drew the short straw of driver, opted to grab a nap on the couch. The rest of us scoured Brett's place for booze. We found some bourbon, a couple straggling beers, and a bottle of wine. They all went down. We then tried to fire up some Rock Band, but unfortunately Brett couldn't find the microphone. He looked high and low, and basically tore his place apart trying to find the mic - but it was nowhere to be found. This, as you might expect, led to rage....and Brett's rage led to Shea's and my delight.

"Brett, where's the mic?"

"I don't fucking know.....DAMMIT..."

"Brett, let's play Rock Band, where's the mic?"

"FUCK"

By this point we were in B.O.B (Black-Out Brett) territory, which meant only one thing; Jay's Saloon! We piled in Mike's car (the dude was a trooper) and rolled out to Jays. We walked in, asked the waitress for a table, took 4 steps towards said table, and then Brett called an audible; "We're going to CCR....we need boobies." Boom, 'nuff said! The waitress was in the process of cleaning off the table when she saw our about-face. "Where are you going?" She asked. "Ah," I started, "we're heading to another establishment." Seeing the look of sadness in her eyes, I did the only honorable thing I could think of...I blamed it all on Brett. "He wants to go to a nudie bar." She looked at our group disappointingly, "well, ok." She turned around and looked a little bitter. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I was looking for - maybe a firm pat on the back "oh, you rascals, get on out of here....scamps...." I started to think that I should apologize for making her clean the table then bolting, but by this time everyone else was out the door and I realized I really didn't care. Off to the nudie bar to see boobies!!

I don't know if this point was mentioned earlier, but the Blasters took place on a Friday. We'd been drinking steadily since 7 am on a weekday. Moreover, my girlfriend (my lovely and unbelievably forgiving girlfriend, who will no doubt be reading this write-up) was working until midnight. As she dropped me off at the metro that morning, she asked when I'd be home. "Not late," I said "I really don't want to be out late today....there's no way I can start drinking this early and last all day." Well, apparently I don't know my true potential, because I was certainly out well past "not late." As we walked into CCR I had a vague recollection of telling my girlfriend I'd be home before she got home. As we took our seats at the front of the stage I let out a small sigh, "well, looks like I won't be getting home before she does....it's a good thing she's so beautiful and understanding."

Blasters has now reached Myrtle status. The four of us are bellied up to the stage, tossing back boozers with one hand, and tossing out dollars with the other. As Brett and I argued back and forth as to who the strippers liked more (it was me), Shea and Mike stuffed their faces with fine grubbers (Mike was putting down some of the tasty prime rib). Somewhere in the dwindling hours of the night (it was maybe 9pm) Brett wandered off. We hoped he was getting picked up by his girlfriend for a ride home, but we later heard he was wandering through the streets of Crystal City. Thankfully, at this time of the night, he still had his clothes on. Eventually the ATM stopped giving me money, which meant I had nothing left to offer the lovely ladies. My charm wore off quickly once I lost my fistful of dollars and it was time to head home. Mike drove us back to Brett's place, and we were relieved to learn he made it home safely - although he never did find the Rock Band mic. By this time my girlfriend was off work, and rather than going straight home to rest, she agreed to meet up somewhere in Arlington to drive my drunk ass home. I piled all my stuff into Mike's ride, and as we drove away from Brett's I shed a tear knowing the Balsters had come to an end. It was a good day....no...it was a great day. The Blasters offered a glimpse of what lay ahead for Myrtle. A preview of shirtlessness, boozers and boobies - drunken golf in the snow is topped only by drunken golf in the sun. We showed up to the rendezvous and jumped out to grab my clubs from the trunk...where I then emptied the contents of my golf bag onto Wilson Blvd.

Blasters...

It's all over but the dry heaving.....

Another myrtle has come and gone, and while I nibble on antacids and procrastinate clearing out my work inbox, I thought it would be nice to reflect upon the good times, and revisit our pre-Myrtle prognostications.

Highlights from the trip:

• A Myrtle rookie makes his mark early by taking the RV club one step further with the RV bomb (a car bomb that's taken while traveling at 60 mph). His high praise was short lived however, as he lasted until just past Richmond before passing out....in the middle of a card game.

• Another year, another order of waffle house hash browns topped (cheese) and covered (chili)....and another year of not breaking the RV code. I'm living dangerously, but surviving none the less (t'was an RV rookie who broke the code this year).

• Myrtle euphoria + cute Hooters gift shop chick + beer every 15 miles from Ensfield NC to Myrtle Beach SC = Hooters golf towels for all!!!

• I don't care what they say, Moden's hat was fly. They all just hatin', kid.

• Sheabone was in the group behind me on first round in the first day. On just about every other hole I heard "HEY PIERRE!" This was followed by the very large man humping whatever was close.

• Sheabone was in my group on the second round in the first day. When he rolled up, I sighed deeply knowing my round was in trouble. Beer club was performed on the second hole.

• Glen Dornouch, hole 16.....shirtless par 3. Followed very shortly by the shirtless beer club (another Myrtle first)

• Hurricane Mikoy cut a path of destruction 4 condos deep. 6 shot guns and 2 car bombs in an hour. When opened the door he just stood there grinning. "Sheabone is hiding from me," he said in a French accent. That should have been enough warning right there.

• Carmela Soprano owes me a quesadilla

• A certain hero deserves a medal for saving the day not once by twice. Not only did he carry 3 drunken fool out of a "gentleman's establishment" (thereby saving their bank accounts) but he also made a timely call informing us of traffic on I-95. This saved another fool from messing his shorts in the RV (we'd already dumped the septic at this point). Well done, sir, and thank you!

• Moden aka Superfly Snuka may interrupt your dinner

• Pool party with the crazy fish and white lightning....and Shrek's ass!

• "Ohhhh Noooooowh" is the new "Fail." Said just as often in 2010, and every bit as annoying and addicting.

• Prestwick can suck it

• OhShea OhSheaOhShea OhShea!!!!

• Myrtle 2010 was capped off with a "fail" 30 second before departure as I dropped our condo key down the drainage grate in the parking lot. Thankfully the condo wasn't on my credit card (sorry Dave).

• ...and finally, a sincere thank you to Brett for organizing another great time. It's a #$&@-ton of work but it turns our amazing every time.

"That's a terrible recap...just tell us who won already!" Fine....you impatient jerk...here you go. Below you'll find the finishes for all 16 golfers as well as a comparison to our intial projections. Some we nailed pretty close, others way way off. Congratulations to Brett for taking the trophy! He played solid golf all week, and still manged to hammer down beer clubs.

1st Place: Brett Mikoy (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 2nd)

What we said: "He won't miss by much, but the round 3 pairing (Shea, Bos, Lich) might be too much to overcome.

Net (over par): -1

Recap: It turns out he lived through his 3rd round pairing just fine, posting an 80 gross while firing down multiple beer clubs. Probably the most well rounded tournament anyone has played in the LBI - 3 rounds in the low 80s and one in the 70's, with lots and lots of pound towns. Impressive.

2nd Place: Matt Moden (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 9th)

What we said: "2-time champ won't muster the magic from prior years."

Net (over par): +7

Recap: Moden shrugged off fire ant attacks and drunken injuries and wound up playing some solid golf. Though he struggled in the 4th round, Moden still managed to hang on to 2nd place thanks to strong rounds at Glen Heather and Grande Dunes.

3rd Place: Matt Sapsford (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 5th)

What we said: "He will get his mental game under control and solidify his legacy in the LBI...but if there is a blow up it will come in round one (paired with Ladd & Nasar)"

Net (over par): +11

Recap: We weren't the only ones to think the first round could spell doom for 2010. Ladd & Nasar had a side bet as to which hole I'd blow up on during that first round. Despite their attempts to break me, I kept my mental game in check and played well. Unfortunately the heat and the shot guns were a little too much for me at Glen Dornouch where I posted my only triple digit round (100). I made a charge at Moden in the last round, but the hangover effect from Hurricane Mikoy proved a little to difficult to overcome.

4th Place: Jason Lich (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 1st)

What we said: "If he remembers how to score, he could be dragging the trophy 3000 miles across the country"

Net (over par): +21

Recap: After a mediocre 1st day (89, 97 - including a 10 on the super tough 18th at Glen Dornouch), Lich made a hard charge on the 3rd round at Grande Dunes posting an 85. Unfortunately the poor conditions of the greens at Prestwick got the better of him, and he couldn't continue his charge. Still, a hard fought top 5 finish.

5th Place (tied): Brian Ladd (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 8th)

What we said: "Can he keep it together and post strong, or will he focus on the liquid side of the game...he should finish near the middle of the pack and make a good mark as a rookie."

Net (over par): +25

Recap: Ladd made a strong impact in his first year in the LBI, entering the final round net +13. Unfortunately the liquid side got the better of him as he fought through the hangover on the last round and nearly doubled his net score. Perhaps most importantly (or most tragically - depending on how you look at it) he was able to capture the shirtless par 3 on film.

5th Place (tied): Chris Mikoy (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 4th)

What we said: "CT's been playing solid golf lately, but with limited time for practice, he may finish 3rd among the Mikoy's"

Net (over par): +25

Recap: After fighting through the pound town round at Glen Dornouch and posting a solid 85, things looked good for CT. But then came the rage -- not at his golf game, but rather the poor conditions at Prestwick (the greens really were terrible). Regardless whether it was the rage or the conditions, CT's 95 in the final round took him out of contention for a top 3 finish.

5th Place (tied): Steve Boswell (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 6th)

What we said: "Bos is playing with an average group handicap of 17.8, which should keep him focused enough to avoid the catastrophe round"

Net (over par): +25

Recap: El Jesus Boswellio did not have the catastrophe round which seems to plague his golf game, but nor did he have that low round which propelled him to the 2009 championship. His 4 rounds were all about 4 or 5 strokes over par... respectable and consistent, but not enough for a top 3 finish.

8th Place: Kevin Shea (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 7th)

What we said: "Too many beer clubs"

Net (over par): +27

Recap: We almost completely missed our projection on Shea. Rolling into the final day at +7, Shea was in the hunt for 2nd place. Another victim of Hurricane Mikoy, Shea struggled mightily at Prestwick posting a crushing 113. Let it be known Shea did not limp to the finish line! After fighting through the front nine, Shea beer clubed the final 4 holes.

9th Place: Brian Ciarlo (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 3rd)

What we said: "His game is strong enough to win, but playing the whole week with high handicappers is just an uphill battle"

Net (over par): +32

Recap: Despite our concerns over his pairings, we still thought Ciarlo could pull off a top 3 finish. We were wrong. Ciarlo dug himself into a hole with a +18 net after day one and, despite playing well at Grande Dunes, succumbed to the beer clubs at Prestwick.

10th Place: Rufus Knight (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 13th)

What we said: "Rufus is cash money inside 75 yards...the problem is getting there"

Net (over par): +34

Recap: Wearing pants for only half the rounds, Rufus looked as though he was going to prove the prognosticators wrong. He posted the 2nd best net score at Glen Dornouch, and entered the final round at a net +16. Unfortunately he posted his worst score on the final round with a net +18. We'll once again throw the blame on Prestwick. Boooo Prestwick....Booo. Mow your greens!!!

11th Place: Bryan Mikoy (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 10th)

What we said: "The handicap is too low...posting a 70's round just get a net par is too much to ask"

Net (over par): +37

Recap: Perhaps it was the back to back rounds in the 90s that set off Hurricane Mikoy. His pain was our pain as he took down about half of the golfers in the field.

12th Place: Troy Welck (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 14th)

What we said: "With the new kid and not much practice, Troy will focus on what he needs to, boozing....maybe even sleeping"

Net (over par): +43

Recap: Turns out what he needed to focus on was the World Cup, as Troy posted his best round on the final day -- when he had a portable TV in the cart showing the world cup game.

13th Place: Dave Nasar (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 15th)

What we said: "Dave's mustache makes him look like Freddy Mercury"

Net (over par): +49

Recap: No one at Myrtle 2010 grew a mustache except me. Despite the fact Dave could have grown a mustache during the RV ride down the Myrtle he decided not to impersonate the former front man for Queen. Booo. Bad Form! Dave battled a bulging disc in his back for the entire week and actually played well for stretches, but not enough for a top 10 finish.

14th Place: Chris Stevens (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 11th)

What we said: "His 1st round pairing should get him off to a solid start"

Net (over par): +58

Recap: His 1st round pairing did indeed get him off to a solid start -- unfortunately it went downhill from there. White Lightning battled through some heat exhaustion at Glen Dornouch and fortunately he was able to recover and finish out the week.

15th Place: Doug Barszcz (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 12th)

What we said: "Never underestimate such a high handicap"

Net (over par): DNF

Recap: Barszcz was off to a solid week before a family emergency required he leave in the middle of the final round. Our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.

16th Place: Mike Hollandsworth (pre-Myrtle Projecton: 16th)

What we said: "He has an excellent chance to shoot 8 rounds of par golf....unfortunately it will be over 4 rounds"

Net (over par): DNF

Recap: Even before the effects of Hurricane Mikoy caused him to withdraw after 6 holes on the final round, Mike was on a one way train to last place. As a result, he had to clean out the RV shitter, which thanks to a fellow rookie contained an ugly little surprise.

So there you have it. Another Myrtle come and gone, we are left waiting another year until we can run around like morons, play golf with our shirts off, and shot gun beers on the tee box.

Financial recap and possibly more videos to follow. For those interested, my photos can be seen here (nothing scandalous).

~Saps