On the range, everything feels great. Every swing is loose and every shot is flush; you are locked in and grooving. You carry this serenity to the first tee..."maybe I'll fire from the tips today!" The starter shoots you an disapproving look - after all "only pros can score from the tips on this course," he tells you. Still, something feels right today. You open a fresh box of pearls, and with an easy swing you pipe it down the center of the fairway. It only builds from there as your approach shot finds the green, takes a hop, then stops on a dime. A long double breaking putt stalls just at the lip, but you take your par feeling confident and sure. The beer cart girl greets you on the second hole and her cart is stocked full of beers, and her sweater stocked full of goodness. You come across as charming...every joke is a winner and every comment witty. As you crack open your first 12 ounces of sunshine, you can't help but close your eyes and think, "I've got 17 more holes of heaven."
You've got your A game.
Of course, as good as the A game feels, these occurances are scattered and rare (as figure 1.a shows).
Sadly, the vast majority of our rounds start much like mine did two weekends ago. Sure, I woke up ahead of my alarm clock....but rather than sipping coffee and watching Sports Center, I spent the morning hungover, face first in the toilet hurling obscenities between rounds of ferocious heaving. Do you know what a "Bear Fight" is? Do you? Because I learned this one the hard way.
Sadly, the vast majority of our rounds start much like mine did two weekends ago. Sure, I woke up ahead of my alarm clock....but rather than sipping coffee and watching Sports Center, I spent the morning hungover, face first in the toilet hurling obscenities between rounds of ferocious heaving. Do you know what a "Bear Fight" is? Do you? Because I learned this one the hard way.
I showed up to the course a tight 10 minutes before our tee time -- just enough time to realize I didn't pack any clean socks (thankfully I still had a dirty pair festering in my trunk from the prior weekend). As I grabbed my gear, I glanced upward towards the dark clouds obstructing the sun, and thought to myself, "golly.....it's f&$#ing cold today." After paying for my round and receiving the "thou shalt arrive 15 mins early" lecture from the starter, I met the rest of my foursome at the 1st tee. I tried to tee up my first ball, but due to a solid case of the 'detox shakes' it took me a good minute and a half to balance the ball onto the tee . My first shot was rigid and tense, and the ball seemed to just sort of roll off the tee, rather than 'explode.' The next shot was hit thin and buzzed the green, landing in the rough. A nice chip rolled the ball close, and after closing my eyes and concentrating, I was able to sink the 5 footer for a par. I picked up my ball feeling nauseous and weak. The cart girl showed up at the second the tee box, and while she may have been attractive (she was), the poison she was pedaling immediately triggered my gag reflex as the previous nights activities came back to me in a flood. My blank hungover expression was mistaken for a lecherous glare, branding me as just another "sketchy golfer dude."
I closed my eyes and thought "my god...I have 17 more holes of this s#&@"
Agony, pain, despair...these are the commodities in which most weekend golfers deal. As statistical evidence shows (trust me, I'm a scientist), us mere mortals aren't bestowed with the "A game" often. In fact, the best most of us can hope for is a C+ / B-. The trick is leaning how to maximize the fleeting goodness while playing through the never ending badness. The savvy golfer will note that in the two scenarios above, while the shots were quite different, the result in both cases was par. It is possible to score well in golf without hitting a good shot...you just have to scramble.
So here, dear weekend hacker, are the 5 keys to scoring well with less than your A Game:
1) "Aim Small / Miss Small"
Yes, I realize I stole that from a Mel Gibson movie but it was either that or "two men enter, one man leave." It turns out Mel doesn't have a lot of everlasting quotes in his movies (off screen I believe he has a few). In golf, the ability to minimize failure is critical for scoring well when you're at your worst.
Lets use this every-day situation: you've just s-bagged your tee shot into the woods to the left. You find your ball, however you are behind several trees. Do you a) punch out to the fairway, b) punch out to the fairway or c) punch out to the fairway. Ha! Trick question -- you should have answered d) punch out to the fairway! Let's think about this one logically; you've managed to find your ball, thus saving you a stroke. While hitting the ball back into the fairway may not give you an easy shot to the green, you will at least be able to knock it up close.
Scenario A: (1) S-bag the drive into the woods, (2) punch out to the fairway, (3) hit up towards the green, (4) chip on. Now all you have to do is 2-putt for a double. Doubles aren't enviable, but let's think of the alternative;
Scenario B: (1) S-bag the drive into the woods, (2) try to hit it out towards the green but bounce off a tree into the deep woods. (3) Take a drop because the ball is unplayable. (4) Reluctantly punch out towards the fairway. (5) Try to reach the green because you're already over par but you're pissed off so you either duff it (#$&@!!!) or push it off to the right and land in a trap (Mother#&$@ker!!!!). (6) Make a lucky shot out of the trap.....now all you have to do is less than a 2-putt to avoid Senor Ocho.
"But dude, you're just using a hypothetical to point out the worst case scenario!" Am I? Look back over your past few rounds.....go ahead, I'll wait....yeah...Scenario B seems pretty familiar, yes? Sure, you may hit that amazing shot from the woods every now and then, but if you're dealing with the sub "A-Game round", your best bet is to work towards that +1 or +2.....much better than recording a +4. Swallow your pride and make the smart play
2) Boggies > Pars
18 over par is a 90. For the VAST majority of golfers this is a FANTASTIC score. That is to say, with your A+ game, you will score in the neighborhood of 90. Look in the mirror people, that person staring back at you is not a scratch golfer. You aren't going to shoot a 72. This is just a simple reality check to keep things in perspective. You can't put expectations too high, especially when scrambling with the sub "A-Game" round. There is no sense in getting frustrated if you don't start the round Par, Par, Birdie. Golf is a constant battle, and if you mentally check out after the first hole, you won't have a chance. If you aren't feeling your best, slide the scale -- rather than aiming for +0 / +1, be content with +1 / +2. Settling for boggies and doubles will lead to a mediocre round....and when you aren't feeling your best, mediocre is kick ass.
3) Beers are good, Hydration is GREAT
I'm a big fan of boozing on the course....hell, I think it's just the bees knees. But there is no shame in pounding down non alcoholic liquids on the front nine if it helps you get back on your feet. Getting drunk on the golf course is awesome, but dealing with a hangover is just terrible. Have a beer or two for that 'hair of the dog,' but don't forget to hydrate. Water on the course = bad times. Water in the body = hooray!!
4a) & 4b) Get to the green without taking penalties & know when to bail out
These two go hand in hand. The golf swing is a wild and uncontrollable animal; you may corral it from time to time, but you will never tame the beast. On my best days, I'm happy to hit 60% of the fairways. On a bad day, I'm lucky to keep the ball in play. But thats OK, because you don't score Par from the tee box -- the majority of your strokes take place on or around the green. Realizing and accepting this fact is huge.
You may not know what your swing is going to do from one tee box to the next, but around the greens you can control your swing with greater effectiveness. You may wind up with a few frustrating 3-putts here and there, but unless you really misread the green, it's difficult to rack up penalty strokes while holding a putter. The key is getting to the green with as few penalty strokes as possible (duh). It doesn't have to be pretty (when struggling through the sub A-Game round, it probably won't be) but learning how to scramble your way to the green is essential for avoiding a blow up round.
With that in mind, there is nothing wrong with using - and embracing - the bail out areas. You may be within 100 yards of the pin, but if you're struggling there is nothing wrong with shooting towards the rough to the right in order to avoid the water to the left.
Scenario: You dial back on the driver, and take a 3/4 swing. Contact isn't solid, but the ball flies out 200 yards and lands in the rough. Another mediocre shot takes you to within 50 yards of the green. You haven't hit a good shot on the entire hole, but because you've avoided hazards and penalties, you should have at worst a double boggy locked up with a pitch onto the green and a 3-putt. As I said, double boggy ain't great, but it's 2 strokes better than Senor Ocho!
5) Keep things in perspective
This is an important one to keep in mind no matter how you are playing. The reality is a single bad round won't keep you from making the PGA tour....your crappy golf game has already has that one covered. So you post a triple digit score - big deal. In fact, depending on who you're playing with, you may even be able to score some pity booze. I remember one morning round where I absolutely struggled on the front 9 posting - something 10 to 15 strokes above my average. I ran into the snack bar at the turn to grab a hot dog, or whatever they had available at 10am. As I was standing at the bar, with my head hung low and my shoulders shrugged, my buddy came running in behind me. "2 shots of Cuervo," he said coming to my aid. Did the booze help me recover? Not really - but it did help me put things into perspective. Sure, I was on pace for a handicap shattering 120, but I was out having fun with my buddies. The weather was nice and I was out on the golf course. This frame of mine helped me relax, which in turn helped me make a few shots.
After all, as the tired old expression says; A bad day on the course is still better than a good night with your friend's momz (because she's old and hairy).
...or something like that...
~Saps
