Myrtle Fortnight

'Twas the fortnight before Myrtle, with clubs in the car

Golfers were sober, with high hopes of par;

The irons sat idle in trunks dark and cold,

In hopes that their owners would not fold;

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of birdies danced in their heads;

And Myrtle with her courses, and greens keepers in caps,

Had settled down for a long two weeks nap.

When out in the lot there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new chance to win,

Myrtle 09 was about to begin.

When, what to my wondering eyes was going to be,

But a 24 foot, 6 person, rolling RV,

With two beds, a pooper, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment each passenger was a d__k.

More rapid than airplanes her passengers in delight,

She rumbled and rolled on Tuesday night.

"Now, KOA, Border Store, and Broadway on the Beach!

On Myrtlewood, Crazy Horse, & Derriere's!

To River Hills! to Long Bay Club! to Thistle! to Legends!

Now slice! hook! miss a putt!"

As greens that before the were aerated and slow,

When met with our group , they want us to go,

So out to the RV and down ninety five,

With it full of clubs, and hopes to stay alive,

And then, in a twinkling, the group started to drink

Knowing in days their game was bound to stink.

The golfers were ready fresh with desire,

with Sheabone searching the Derriere's caddie's for hire;

A bundle of 1's he strapped to his back,

he looked through the establishment, seeking the largest rack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! He resembled the Fonz!

Finally he landed, the great Modenz Momz!

A wink of his eye and and no look of dread,

Soon he would get grade A perfect head.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his drawers,

A chuckle she would bellow begging for more.

Myrtle 09 began with a bang,

Beer club kicked off the rest of the gang.

72 holes and a tournament winner,

Hot Dogs for lunch and Hooters for dinner.

Soon after the week began to start,

The RV departed with smells of a fart.