As some of you are (painfully) aware, I just got an iPad, and this has some very important ramifications. First, and foremost, I am now a hipster. Now, I've always had hipster tendencies (you may recall my crazy cool white sunglasses from last year or my love of comic books), but now I'm all in. Yup, from now on out I'm a full fledged, tight black T-shirt wearing, messenger bag toting, sipping my fair trade latte while blogging about music you've never heard of hipster. I'm also going to be mentioning my iPad at just about every chance I can.
It will probably go something like this: "nice putt Matt."
"thanks, I was trading posts with some people over in the keyhole forum on my iPad and I learned this green breaks hard to the left."
Or maybe: "Hey Saps, how did you know waffle house served all those items not found on the menu?".
"Oh, well I was checking out the Food spotting website on my iPad and learned all about the secret menu."
But more likely: "Hey buddy, why are you crying?"
"Because those assholes tossed my new iPad out the window of the RV."
Before you all start hating on my new hipster status, you should know there are some perks. Last year I brought my laptop down to Myrtle with every intention of updating the blog for all those following at home. Those of you at home will remember I did not accomplish this at all....not even close. Just a media blackout fail. But now that I'm a iPad toting hipster, I'm obligated by the hipster code to blog on a regular basis, and the updates will be flowing!
Of course, that doesn't come into play for another couple of weeks. So let's get back to the pre-LBI projections.
15. Dave Nasar
Making his 3rd trip, Dave is now an officially an LBI veteran - and after having off-season back surgery, Dave is an officially an old man. Of course, being in the old dude club means that Dave can also rock a bad ass moustache whenever he pleases. Seriously, the dude’s face is like the play dough fun factory, able to squeeze out a Freddy Mercury thick stash in a matter of minutes. Dave’s game shares the same laissez-faire approach he likes from his federal government. Yeah, he just finished his swing with a one handed follow through..what of it? You don’t have to worry about how many strokes he took and it's none of your business if his credit card is maxed. The ball is going to get into the hole eventually, Dave is going to drink some scotch....and somebody might get a free hat.
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Saps Says: Last year, Nasar fought through a bad back. He had surgery in the off season and is reportedly feeling better than he has in years. This should really help his game, but it should also help him enjoy LBI more - which is the important thing anyways, right? (Projected Finish - 16th)
CT Says: In the fall, Simon Cowell is starting a new show called the X Factor. Up to this point, Nasar’s biggest accomplishment in Myrtle has been to sport the best Freddy Mercury impersonation to be seen outside of SNL. Now, however, he’s had back surgery. He’s had ample time to recover, rehab and hone his game for myrtle. The X Factor is this: was his back the issue, or did his drinking cause much of the problems he faced on the course??? (It might be one year too early for me to predict a major turn around at myrtle...but rest assured i thought REAL hard about making him a dark horse. I guess I just don’t have the guts to make him the underdog of the year...(CT’s projection: 13th)
14. Pat Shea **LBI Rookie**
Not wanting to be completely one-upped by the Mikoy clan, the Shea brothers are looking to make their Myrtle presence felt. Pat's addition has a lot of the LBI crew concerned...not to mention my girlfriend, who upon learning another Shea was joining, wept for hours. After we visited a lawyer and got all my affairs in order, I visited a buddist temple and made peace with the universe. I can safely say that I am ready for whatever may come of this Maelstrom of Shea. My advice to all you is to do the same.
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Saps Says: Adding another Shea to the mix spells trouble for the entire field. Pat is plenty capable, but we need to see how he handles the LBI before projecting any top 10 finishes. (Projected Finish - 12th)
CT Says: There’s two theories behind ranking a Shea. One says that he’ll be a good drinker. The other says that he’ll be tall. I know at least one of those to be true. As you can see, neither of these have anything to do with golf. My one memory of Pat is at Kevin’s wedding where the bridal party entered the reception to the title track from the jock jams cd; and he was into it. Who cares how he plays, he will assuredly fit in well in myrtle. Since I must rank him... (Projected Finish - 11th)
13. Bryan Mikoy
Here comes the story of the Hurricane. We only wish the authorities had came to claim him! By day, this mild mannered family man does stuff with the kids, spends time with the wife, and works around the house. He’s Mr. Mom...the picture of suburban bliss. But when an accidental overdose of booze mixes with his unique body chemistry, a startling metamorphosis occurs.....the creature is drive by rage...and booze. Just as Thor commands the thunder with his hammer, so to does the Hurricane command sobriety with his bellow. With real power comes real responsibility, and Hurricane has been responsible for at least one DQ so far.
(This bio contains 3 references to Marvel superheros...can you guess which ones? Here’s a hint; I didn’t have sex in high school.)
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Saps Says: Last year we had him ranked really high, and he failed to live up to his single digit handicap. This year I think more of the same. The handicap is too low to shrug off a blow up round. (Projected Finish - 11th)
CT Says: In 2008 all we heard for six months was “i’m comin after ya. my game is really strong now”. 2008 result: FAIL. After taking a hiatus in 2009, he came into Myrtle with the lowest handicap of the group and immensely high hopes. While it wasn’t a complete fail, he was bested by his brother on all fronts. In 2011’s LBI he’ll have 3 years of solid play and a close friend who is a ringer to help balance him. It could be his year...That is, unless the pressure gets to him again. His game may be the most improved of anyone in myrtle to date. I’d love to see him prove me wrong, but that handicap is just too low. (Projected Finish - 15th)
12. Rufus Knight
Here are 3 facts about Rufus; He's a proud father, he gets really excited for good food, and he wears long pants on the golf course. Here's one fact about me; I may have a bit of a man crush (It's just so hard to find some who matches my enthusiasm for sandwiches). His game has flashes of goodness intermixed with random badness...and I really do mean random. Over the course of 18 holes, 7 tee shots will employ a strong right to left draw and land perfectly in the fairway, 4 might drift off to the right and land out of bounds, 5 will snap too far to the left and land in the woods, and 2 will fly perfectly straight. Despite being a random shot generator off the tee, Rufus is strong with the short game and may have some of the softest hands of the group. If I play my cards right, maybe he'll even let me hold one. Crap...did I just type that? Great, now I'm gonna blush when I see him next.
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Saps Says: One day, Rufus will learn to hit a consistent ball off the tee, and when that happens he'll be very good. Still, he's got the short game to help make up for the tee box wildness, and should finish in the top 10. (Projected Finish - 9th)
CT Says: I’m still waiting for Rufus to really find his Myrtle identity. He always has a great time. He’s a great man to hang with and is always ready to go out. He might end up getting you excited about drinking but all the time he’s throwing shots over his shoulder. But my question still remains about whether he can find the consistency to put him in the top 5. (Projected Finish - 13th)
11. Doug Barszcz
As famed naturalist Dian Fossey once remarked "By far, the Doug Barszcz is the most playful of the mountain gorillas...his mirthful exuberance and inquisitive nature displays an eerie similarity to humans...truly we are more alike than not." Barz's siren-like abilities will leave golfers scratching their heads and wondering "how the hell did I get so drunk out there...I don't remember ordering that many beers..." Much like the Spanish Inquisition, few see the Barz effect coming - one minute you're casually drinking a beer, and the next you're laying face down naked in the parking lot.
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Saps Says: And so begins the race for last! Barz has the early edge to finish best among the final 5, but anything is possible.. (Projected Finish - 15th)
CT Says: Barz is almost 6 foot tall. Barz weighs north of 200lbs. He’s the kind of guy, who if he was messing with you in a bar, you would think twice about steppin’ to. All that said, Barz’ swing is cute. It’s just so soft and cuddly. I’ve been asking myself (and him) for years now “where is the power?”. Is he the gentle giant? Does he want to ensure he doesn’t re-activate the hernia? is it the gout? No one knows, but through it all, he’s found a way to get those 120/130 scores down to the low 100s. If he can make that happen over 2-3 rounds, he’ll be up there. I, for one, think this will be his year. Oh, and his chin looks like a balls. (Projected Finish - 3rd)
10 down and 10 top go! Tune in next time to learn 10 through 5.....same LBI time, same LBI channel.
See what i did there with the reference to the 1960s Batman? Val Kilmer's Batman is so mainstream....Adam West is cool
~Saps
Posted from my iPad
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