LBI Top Ten: 10-4 Good Buddies

I'm just going to get right to it.  The moment you (may) have been waiting for, the Top Ten.  It's getting very hard for COCKS to make these determinations, but isn't that the way it should be for COCKS, hard?

With that, we present from 10 to 4.  As with before, feel free to weigh in if you agree or disagree...

#10:  Moden Disappears from Legends Mooreland (Not the only time he's been lost in the woods).
The Year, 2012 (could have been 2009, too.  WTF do we know at COCKS?  Was this the year of the Buddy ShitShow and Eagle Guy?)

- Groups are gathering around the last green.  We're getting ready to back to the clubhouse but wait, someone's missing.  Where's Moooooooden?  No one knows. Even those who played with him are mystified 'he was JUST with us' they claim as they look around puzzled.  Turns out, he forgot about the above rally in his honor.  so he unpacked his bags and just left the course...

#9: The Sub
The year, 2012.  The event...no one would make up their goddam mind where we wanted to eat after playing 36 holes.  We literally pulled into and got out of the RV at different places but somoene had "BBQ" in their mind so we went on a never ending mission to find it.

CT...drawn to the sub

So, we get to the place, turns out to be a sub place.  "I'll go in and check it out, guys".  12 (hammered) dummies sat there and watched as i ordered a sub, then acted like they didn't know what I was doing as it took me 10 minutes to "ask for directions".

Did you just eat my sub?

#8 Brett, Lich, Saps, Bryan clean out the cart girl's entire beer stash in one stop
The year: 2011, Thistle
At the turn in the clubhouse grill: Gabe: "should we get some beers?" CT: "no, we've got a few and we'll see the cart girl in a few". With the cart girl on 10 green "yah, we'll have 12 pack". cart girl: "uhhhh, i'm out. that group in front of you just bought 2 cases".
- side note: Also during this round Lich was attacked by mowers AND we proved the theory that a shotgun after each hole DOES improve performance on the next hole.  Science 


#7 Lich Hole in 1 at Glen Dornoch
The year, 2008
What does it say about LBI that a real-life Hole in 1 is only ranked 7???

p.s. THIS swing got a hole in 1...this swing...

#6  7am
The year, 2008.  The location...outside Gold Club at Penthouse.  The crew:  Shea, Lich, and Trouble T-Roy...could have others, but it DID happen at 7am, so give us a break.

and here's what Shea looked like later that day, just before he and Troy threw in the towel and DNF'd.  (This would subsequently cost Shea the RV shitter duties (i said duty)).

#5 Eagle Guy
The year, 2012, The hole "Hell's Half Acre"
- Shea came through a few groups ahead of Eagle Guy.  Shea made Eagle on Hell's Half Acre (a driveable par 4).  When the round was over, no one wanted to hear about Shea's eagle because Damon...Damon made eagle, "did you hear???".  He's Eagle Guy.    It was like when George wanted to be called "T-Bone" but they named him KoKo the monkey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC4C_Gcp_dM

 If Eagle Guy and Non-Eagle Guy both Eagle the same hole....who gets the credit? (hint: see above picture)

#4 The Hurricane Event
The year, 2012, the location "Myrtlewood villa, post round"
Bryan doesn't drink much, but when he does, SWEET JESUS, do not get sucked into the Hurricane.

picture is blurry due to Hurricane-like conditions

A Hurricane blew through all 5 rooms in Myrtlewood, leaving in its wake empty shotgunned beers, drunken men and one guy pukin off the balcony and ultimately passing out in the bathroom.

Note:  all car bombs were largely performed while speaking in a french accent

Hurricane video

There's 10-4...thoughts???

10th Annual LBI, a Retrospective: "the others"

If you've never seen "The Others" with Nicole Kidman, go out this weekend and watch.  One of the best thrillers I've seen.  That being said, this edition of Replacing Divots is not about ghost movies; nor is about Roadhouse for that matter.  And hell, while we're on the topic, has anyone seen this bank robbery movie called The Town?

Anyway........As we at COCKS have been compiling and tabulating all the events seen at LBI over the years, it has become increasingly difficult to whittle down to a top ten.  For that reason, we are going to start with some of the events that, while they didn't make the top ten, were nonetheless worthy of mention in the archives of COCKS.

One last note before we begin this.  Nothing was voted on, nor certified by Price Waterhouse Coopers.  They are simply the opinion of us COCKS. And remember this when you disagree with the order; we are COCKS. The intent, quite frankly, is to be provocative; to generate discussion and remember the times spent being dummies in Myrtle Beach.

And with that, we present "The Others":

Nude Barz:
- Let's just be blunt.  You do NOT want a late night visit from Barz.  If there's anyone at or near the center of mayhem off the course in Myrtle, it's Barz.  Mentally, he scares you and here's the reason:  he doesn't need to be drunk to engage in craziness.  It could be 8am after a night of drinking, you're sitting on your couch, you look down to take a sip of Joe, you look up and you have balls in the face.  Frnakly, there could be a top ten Nude Barz moments if we wanted to.  He's even spawned copy cat nudists (eh hem, Tini, Jimmy).

Trouble T-Roy and his disappearing cellphone:
- If you look up easy-going, laid back and go with the flow, you'll  see a picture of Troy.  There was a time, however, when Troy enjoyed visiting certain establishments.  And there were a few times, in consecutive years, where he left his phone there...and didn't realize it until he was safely back home in Northern VA.  Thanks to the care of the proprietors, he was able to get his phone mailed back to him.

Saps' "faulty windshield" at Long Bay:
- Before we knew Saps was so full of rage that the virus from 28 Days was named after him (Rage Virus, in case you haven't seen it; ps seriously, have you seen the Town?) no one in his group thought twice when he came driving up with the cart's front windshield in the passenger side.  "Uh, a screw came loose, mr Ranger" was the line he used when the ranger drove up and asked what happened.  And he wonders why all the ranges in Myrtle target him...

Bernard and Pierre:
- remember that year when Brett (Bernard) and Saps (Pierre) talked with a french accent pretty much the entire week?

The Year of the Bern:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GOuseeGK3w
Here's the only thing that needs to be said

The Year "oh nooooooo" was heard on virtually every hole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk-rZsZnrQs

The Roll of Paper Towels:
- Ears of corn were flying.  Moden heaved, CT got clipped, rage ensued.  If ever there was a record scratching moment in Myrtle, this was it.  As Gary said in the bar scene in Weird Science "Party's over, boys and girls".  They did, however, immediately make up with a make up shot of Jim Beam.

The Bunion Buzzer:
- You better have something good to say or you'll get buzzed for telling a Bunion.


The Shotgun walk off to nowhere...
- four things make this video great
    1) bryan's unreal shotgun skills
    2) moden's horrendous shotgun skills
    3) T-Bone's commentary
    4) where the F is kevin going???
enjoy...

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So, that's it for now.  That's the list of things that didn't make the Top Ten or Honorable mention.  What do you think? Any of them worthy of top ten?

Stay tuned...tomorrow's release will be 10-9-8.  We've got some surprises in there for you...

LBI Top 10 Moments...Preview Edition

Even though I do not like Bob Dylan, he did have a point when he said "the times, they are a changin'".  In today's world, men can use women's bathrooms, pot is legal in several states and in Soviet Russia, cars drive YOU  (Yah, that's a Yakov Smirnoff reference right there; pulled right out of the COCKS archives).  One thing that's not changin' though, the shenanigans that purposely or accidentally make LBIs entertaining for us all year in an year out.  

Oh, and for those new to LBI, COCKS is the LBI Corporate Office of Communications & Knowledge Services.  "They" are responsible for all the research and stat production you've become used to getting each year around this time. 

Like any other year, COCKS has been hard at work to bring you the LBI Knowledge you have come to expect. Knowledge prepares you.  Knowledge enables you.  Knowledge, put simply, is power.  But in this edition, there will be no knowledge released to you.  No, in this case, COCKS is simply enabling you to reminisce.  

This year's LBI is the 10th Edition.  And what is COCKS great at you ask?  Creating lists.  So for the 10th Anniversary of LBI, COCKS will be counting down the Top 10 LBI Moments.  There's ample moments to ponder, and frankly, several are contenders for the top spot.  

Over the next 2 weeks, we'll be releasing the top 10 moments as voted on by the research team at COCKS.  You can expect such moments as:

- Moden deciding to walk home (for 4 hours) from Broadway at, and

- The Hurricane that swept through Myrtlewood, and 

- Bos being a part of the entertainment...from outside in the hallway.

Not Pictured:  Eagle Guy

You can also expect to see all-time classic quotes like:

- Oh nooooooooooo, and

- It's Ok, Al, you'll get 'em next time

Making it to 10 years is a serious accomplishment.  some people on this list have been there for them all.  Others have only made it to one or two.  But all of us are a part of the LBI lore that will live on as long as LBI does.  

So, we hope you'll enjoy our Top 10 list.  Whether you make it to a named event or have only heard about the event through the grapevine, you're sure to enjoy this countdown...

Here's to 10 more great years of LBI shenanigans.

your friends at

COCKS